MISTAKES AND FORGIVENESS

'To err is human, to forgive is divine '
We have all heard that at one time in our lives... I guess. I think I heard it from my dad first*no surprises there*, then my English teacher in High School while teaching 'Idioms and Idiomatic expressions'. Hmmm...those were the good ol' days!
Anyway, I was seeing the Miss Universe 2015 pageant hosted by the one and only Steve Harvey yesterday. It was a lovely event/show, and Seal's performance was mind-blowing as expected. But towards the end of the show, Steve Harvey and his team made a terrible mistake. The winner of the pageant was Miss Philippines but Miss Colombia was crowned as the winner. But as soon as they, Steve Harvey and his team, realized their mistake, they immediately corrected it, took the crown from Miss Colombia and crowned Miss Philippines as the winner. Mr. Steve Harvey and his team have since apologized to Miss Colombia, the people of Colombia, and the world in general, admitting their mistake and the fact that they have corrected it.
I don't want to imagine how Miss Colombia felt or is feeling, how Steve Harvey and his team felt or are feeling, or how this will affect their organization publicity-wise(Yes, I know that no publicity is bad publicity and all). I know that it was, and still is terrible. But I am only interested in the mistake and the things that followed, and should follow, it. The world operates in cause and effect. When something happens, the first questions are usually along the lines of 'What caused this? What should follow after?'. Now, what has been done has been done. A mistake was made, steps have been taken to correct them. Rationally, what should follow is forgiveness and us all getting over it. But no, it's not that easy. And here's why.
We humans all know that mistakes happen, but we somehow believe that we are above it until it happens. Then, two groups are formed. Those who want the mistake to be forgotten already(usually comprising of those who made the mistake, and those who understand), and those who want to keep the mistake alive for their personal gain, humour, or just to learn from it. I understand the logic of learning from other people's mistakes so I won't dwell on that. We all make mistakes, the problem is some of us don't correct them, and some don't even bother apologizing to those offended by the mistake or correcting the mistakes. In that lies the greater mistake.
For anyone who has made mistakes before, you will know that people hardly forget the mistakes as easily as they do the good you have done. Although it is easier to forgive than to forget, some people find it hard to do both. So what do we do about that? Humans can sense deceit, and once they do, trusting you will be a Herculean task. So it is best to be truly sorry for the mistake, apologize to those affected by the mistake, take steps to make amends if possible, and learn from the mistake. Understand that you can't force people to forgive you. Keep doing right, forgiveness will come when it feels right for them. And if someone has wronged you, do understand that as much as it hurts you, the other person might be hurting too but might not know or want to show it. Do forgive all the same.
We are all human after all.


- The Lady



    “Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the
                                                least of these, ye did it not to me.”
                                                             Matthew‬ ‭25:45‬

THE THIN LINE BETWEEN PATIENCE AND COWARDICE

Ever been in any of those uncomfortable situations where someone is doing all they can to get you to react violently or negatively, or to get you angry, but you sit there enduring it all and holding back? We are all humans, so I believe that we have all, at one time or the other, been in or experienced someone else be in this situation.
I remember experiencing someone in the situation. It was two years ago, I had gone to the place where I would pick a vehicle to take me to the Island, but it seemed like everyone's eyes were turned to a particular place. I followed their line of vision and saw one 'area boy', as they are popularly called in Nigeria, dragging a man by his collar and screaming for the man to give him money. The man neither replied nor tried to free his shirt from the grip of the area boy. This infuriated the boy who looked to be under the influence of alcohol or something worse. He started hitting the man in the torso while screaming for 'his money'. At this point, the man spoke to one of the people in his car, "Please, call Dele", he said.
As the hits to his chest became more consistent, he, using one hand, twisted the area boy's hand so the area boy was still holding his shirt by the collar but was turned away from the man. Some of his fellow area boys came closer, whether to intervene or to fight the man I don't know, but they moved away almost immediately as some military personnel drove into the place. It turns out that the man who was being hit was a military man who had come to pick up the kids of his superior and the area boy had confronted him to collect money from him for 'picking passengers on his(area boy's) turf. The military man had patiently waited for the boy to let him go but when he began receiving punches, he had to call for help.
After the area boy(thug) had been taken away along with the military personnel and the man who was harassed by the thug, some people began giving their opinion of what they would have done had they been in the shoes of the military man who had been harassed earlier. I got thinking. 'What made the man endure the embarrassment and the assault? Was it as a result of his military training? Or his personality? What made the thug continue hitting the man? Did he(thug) think that the man was a coward?'. I really don't know.
Dealing with people in my young years, I have learnt that patience is a virtue. And I have seen situations where acting, or actually being, a coward helped some people. But I have also learnt that people misinterpret a lot of things. Give them an inch and they'll take several. I am not advocating that we should have less patience towards people, or that we should act cowardly. Life is not really black or white. Not everything is clear-cut. It all depends on the situation. If you run the risk of being harmed, the best we can do is help ourselves out of that situation in the best way possible for everyone. Don't be foolish about it, people have lost their lives in similar situations if not less. There's a thin line between patience and cowardice. Patience has it's limits, take it too far and it becomes cowardice. Always trust your instincts.


- The Lady


      “Have ye suffered so many things in vain? if it be yet in vain.”
                                      Galatians‬ ‭3:4‬

MANAGING BAD ENERGY

I was discussing one of my previous posts(dealing with disappointments) with a group of friends yesterday and the way conversations go, we ended up delving into the topic of this post. A friend(Let's call her 'Boma')who wanted to invest in something asked our advice on her investment idea as she wanted to be sure she was on the right track before she puts her money into something she would regret.
As everyone gave their input, I noticed Boma's countenance change from happy and confident, to discouraged. At some point, one of the girls(Let's call her 'Allie') told Boma, "Don't do it. You don't know so much that area. It's too vast and boring. Invest in something that is easy to understand and with little cash so that if it fails, you will know that you are not losing so much. But really, I think you should stick to your current job. It's not bad, and you get paid constantly and the promotion might come soon.
I had no contributed so much but I noticed that Boma's countenance had changed completely.She was now very quiet. I had to ask her what was wrong and she said she didn't think she would invest as she did not get any positive response. Now, I had to tell Boma to forget everything everyone had told her, research about the area she wanted to invest in, consult experts in that area, and pray about it before finally decides on what to do. I don't know if that was what she wanted to hear from me, but that was the best I could give her as I, like her, didn't have enough information about the area she was interested in.
Sometimes in life, it is those around us that gives us the biggest discouragement. Like Boma's situation yesterday, she needed encouragement, and at least, advice from us, but a great percentage of what she got was discouragement and bad energy. There was nothing she could have achieved yesterday if she had dwelt on the negativity she had received.
Like Allie, some people around us may give us negative responses. Some people always give negative reviews and energy which might not be constructive. It is not what is thrown at us that matters, it is how we react to it that is important. Just because someone says something about us or to us, it doesn't mean that we should let it affect us completely. Be okay saying NO to anything that won't help you. Someone once told me me "People do not decide their future. They decide their habits and their habits decide their future." Although that phrase was meant in a financial sense, I think it relates here. If you have the habit of letting others determine what you do or how you feel, they are actually determining some parts, if not all, of your future. The worst part? They are giving the trash the don't want and you don't need. You are not a garbage can. Just refuse to accept it all.
When terrible things are said to you, or someone does something terrible to you, just brush it off and do you. Fix the habit of feeling bad about it. Work towards it for the sake of a better, happier year.


- The Lady



    '“And the Lord said to Samuel, Hearken unto their voice, and make them a king. And Samuel said
                                unto the men of Israel, Go ye every man unto his city.”
                                                                   1 Samuel‬ ‭8:22‬

DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT

"Who ever you are,

 Where ever you are,

 I hope you make peace,

 With your broken pieces."

 -R.H Sin

I learnt late in life, a little too late I believe, to grow a thick skin against whatever hurtful thing I might experience. I'm not saying that I don't get hurt or disappointed. On the contrary, I do get disappointed and hurt sometimes. We are human beings, and it is almost impossible to please everyone. Infact, you can't please everyone, you are not Jollof rice! 

In recent times, I got tired of getting hurt by people. All those days of bearing grudges, being sad and completely unhappy on some days...it was too much, I was tired of it. I decided at some point to just get over it, block it all out and just do me. Making the decision was the easy part. After that came the action, the time to implement the decision that had been made. 

It was no joke at all. It was as if as soon as I made the decision not to let others control my emotions and my mood, the temptations came flooding in! Like water! It was saddening to say the least. But gradually, I began making myself laugh whenever any hurtful, annoying, or disappointing thing happens. Not saying that was easy either, but I kept at it because that was better than being sad over another person's words or actions.

Life has been easier that way. I wake up knowing that I am in charge of my day and my feelings. The best tip I can give? Expect anything good and bad, from anyone. When the good comes? Live it, celebrate it, enjoy it! When the bad comes? Laugh, find as much humour as you can in it. That terrible moment will pass anyway. So live your life free of the pain others might cause. We sometimes contribute to the hurt and disappointment by expecting more from others just because we are willing to do that much for them. Let's stop that and live life as we make it.

- The Lady 

   “The voice of the Lord divideth the flames of fire.”

                          Psalms‬ ‭29:7‬ ‭

DIGITAL AGE, ICT, AND HUMAN EXISTENCE.

I attended a seminar/lecture today on the impact of the digital age on human existence. Being born in this age, I know, see, and live the digital life. I mean, I own this blog! So yes, we live the impact of the digital age. We are all part of it. So much that it has become part of our daily lives. We shop online, take part in online courses, even get taxis online*hello Uber!*.

Many people, especially young people, have achieved mind-blowing and innovative things using the internet and technology. And there are yet so many opportunities open for greater innovation and achievements. Especially in the areas of personal growth, community and economic development. 

Information technology has contributed in no little way to, not just bringing the world closer in more ways than one, it has also revolutionised the way we live. And so has technology. 

Using AirBnB for example, everyday people can now register and list their homes with AirBnB with little or no stress and become hosts as they welcome travelers into their homes. The idea is to give travelers the experience or feeling of being at home even when on the road. The company, AirBnB, even made it easier as it has an application that can be used in registering and/or finding listed homes to 'lodge' in. Über also has an application that works with the location settings on your phones in directing the nearest taxis to you.

Nigeria has not been left out of the trend. Various companies and organisations provide products and services that can be accessed online, through their websites or the applications provided and run by that company. 

But in the light of the recent economic challenges that Nigeria is plagued with, coupled with the high level of unemployment, it is only necessary for us, the youth, as leaders of tomorrow, to learn and build ourselves mentally and intellectually to provide sources of income for ourselves so as to not help reduce the unemployment and poverty level in the country. We are the future leaders of our country. As such, we must live by example. Let us each play our own part for the uplifting of our country and the greater good of ourselves and the population at large using information and communication technology available to us.

- The Lady 

    “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”

‭‭.                                                               Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭

PREPARE

I don't know if it is a general thing or a perk of being born to parents who were very particular about the grammar and attitude of the kids. A lot of phrases and proverbs were thrown at us, my siblings and I, at an early age and we had to learn their meanings. Ever heard the phrase 'Anything worth doing at all is worth doing well'? Sure you must have. That was one I heard a lot! Especially from my dad. 

As a child, I was very inquisitive. Sometimes too much for my own good. And for my curiosity, I had a short attention span. I was always eager to help, but the moment I began to help, something else catches my attention. I ended up breaking a lot of plates and cups, not finishing my homework, or forgetting my school bag in the car. Thus, that particular phrase being tossed at me...a lot! 

But it wasn't bad, for I have grown to learn to be careful in whatever I do and the choices I make. Not to rush into action or jump to conclusions. Some of the accidents on our roads could have been avoided if the persons involved have been a little more careful than they had been. Some of the buildings that have collapsed may still be standing if the contractors had been more careful about the quality of work and products put into the construction of the buildings. Many businesses don't stand the test of time because their owners rushed in to make profit rather than to build a successful and sustainable economic venture. 

Some people rush to make some decisions or go into businesses without proper research and guidance or mentorship of any sort. The result? They 'crash and burn' after a while, or for some fortunate few, they struggle to survive. A mother eager to carry her child in her arms will not, for any reason, force herself to go into labour at 6 months of pregnancy. The result will be the death of the child. Or at best, miraculously, the child survives with the help of an incubator. 

Before embarking on certain ventures or taking certain decisions, especially the life changing sort, we out to ask ourselves certain questions like, 'Can I do this?', 'Am I ready for this?', 'Can I do it alone or do I need help or partners?', 'What do I hope to achieve from this?' (i.e goals), 'Where do I start?', 'Do I need money for this?', Do I have enough money to do this?', 'Where can I get money from?'. These are reflective questions.

These kind of questions can help motivate and keep us focused on the goal(s) we hope to achieve. This way, you know your target before you begin. You know what you are up against. And at the end, when you have achieved your goal(s), you will be contented that the time spent preparing was worth it. 

- The Lady



     “It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools.”
                                                  Ecclesiastes‬ ‭7:5‬

TIME

"Don't you have a job to go to?". That was the first thing I heard. I think that was what woke me up. No!!! I'm up late again! The second time this week. I was off the bed in a flash. "Are you feeling okay? What's wrong with you?".  That was my mom. Conducting a very important inquiry on the reason(s) for my lateness to join the community of early risers. I rolled my eyes. "Mummy...please, I'm not ill, just been tired these past few days.", I replied. As I hurried to get ready, my brain was on autopilot, organising the day's activities.
As I got to the office building, Baba, the gateman, asked the reason for my lateness to the office. I only smiled a 'good morning' greeting to him and walked to the office. I had barely got into the office when the secretary, upon seeing me, asked why I was late to the office. That's it! "Why is everyone on my case today?!", I asked no one in particular. She laughed and asked if any other person had asked. I answered in the affirmative. "3!", I added. "In that case, I better not waste more of your time.", she said. "The letters from yesterday and the contracts for those Abuja people have been typed and are on the drive. The 'XYZ' case is today. Your 'Oga' ('boss' in Nigerian Pidgin English) will meet you at Court", she added. Great! I had barely forty minutes to proof-read documents before going to Court. My life!!
...
We live in a time where 'Time' controls everything we do. When we wake, eat, go to work, even when we sleep. We make appointments for meetings, lunch, and all. We hear things like bedtime, lunchtime, etc. We use phrases like 'God's time is the best', 'Time waits for nobody', 'A stitch in time saves nine', all to convey the importance of time.
Some people live life with little or no reliance to time. While some, the majority of us, work with time, that unseen master. 24 hours daily is hardly enough for us to handle our daily activities. Yet, time is very important to us. It helps maintain some form of order. Can you imagine what would happen if our flights were not timed? If you have to go to the Airport without knowing if there will be any flight to your destination? Or when, if any is available, it will be taking off?
The importance of time can not be overemphasised. We can not stop or take back time. We can only make the best of our time. Life becomes more meaningful when we realise the simple fact that we will never get the same moment twice. Make your plans, and make good use of the time you have. We only have this one life. We only live once.
Make it count.


- The Lady



     “How shall I curse, whom God hath not cursed? or how shall I defy, whom the Lord hath not
                                                                              defied?”
                                                                        Numbers‬ ‭23:8‬

HAPPINESS

I remember the first time I saw the movie 'The pursuit of happiness' starring Will Smith and his son Jaden, who also played as his son in the movie. I am a big Will Smith fan but I avoided seeing the movie as everyone who had seen the movie said that they had cried. I only saw it some months ago when I thought I was 'big' enough not to cry. Ummm...I cried. Not because Will Smith interpreted the role perfectly, which he did, but because the movie depicted real struggles of life. The struggle for even the most basic of things, especially food and shelter.
We wake up daily and pursue different plans to make ends meet and/or achieve success in life. Going to school, work, or other business places are all geared towards this purpose. We make sacrifices, make investments, join various saving schemes, just to secure our future. When all these have been taken care of, we go back to the hustle, while some reward themselves by going on vacations, shopping, and/or hanging out with friends. Some of these rewards are what we sometimes base as happiness.
Was seeing a program on the television some time ago where the show's host went into the streets, asking people what made them happy. The responses ranged from weekend relaxation with family and friends and going on vacations, to getting promoted at work and moving into a newly-owned house. That got me thinking. What really is happiness? How and where do we find it?
Some people equate happiness to prosperity, good fortune or luck, even bliss. Many believe that the rich are the only happy people. A 2013 report published by an international media agency reported that Nigerians were the saddest people in the world, basing their calculations and statistics on the insecurity issues that plagued us at that point. Then, and now, with the situation of things in Nigeria, economically, the insecurity issues, corruption, and all, I beg to differ. I have not travelled around the world like some, but thanks to social media and networks, I know that Nigeria is blessed. Through all the insecurity, corruption, the state of our economy, flooding, even the fight against Ebola, we stood strong. We still stand. And we party through it all. Like rockstars! *Hello Lagosians* Through various parties and events during the week, weddings on the weekends, we celebrate. Now pause. I'm not equating happiness generally to celebrations. I believe it comes from somewhere deeper. We, jointly as a nation, and severally as individuals, have fought battles to be where we are. Regardless of all that, we still get up daily in pursuit of that 'thing'.
That is true happiness. Joyful, not because we have little now, but because we have hope for the future. Not looking at the evil that face us daily, but at the possibilities before us. Not looking at the casket going six feet under, but in the tear-filled eyes of that new-born child. Not looking at the job that was lost, but at the power in us to create, to do better. Happiness is deep within us. If only we can open our eyes and hearts to it. We have power over everything, especially how we live.
In reply to my question above, happiness is more than a feeling, it is a way of life. We have it in us. All of us. Daily challenges may contribute to making us bury it, but if we see and live life beyond the 'now', we can live daily in happiness and greater hope for the possibilities in the future.


- The Lady



     “Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account.”
                                                 Philippians‬ ‭4:17‬ ‭

PROCRASTINATION

It is a terrible thing, in life to wait until you are ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as being ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good time as any. - Hugh Laurie

Hello lovelies!

Now, before the heading to this post scares you away, please hear me out. I'm not here to preach about the evils of procrastination...I guess. I primarily want to motivate you to do what you had planned to do. We have all heard and read about the cons of procrastination. So I believe that this post will be more of a reminder to us. 

A person who procrastinates is setting himself or herself up for failure. Procrastination leads to higher workload, frustration, and sometimes, depression. Procrastinating once in a while could be bad, but as a habit, it is disastrous. It could lead to loss of a lot of  things like time, money, and career. 

Procrastination can drain the professionalism from a person who, rather than do the job they were expected to do in good time, they wait until the last minute before they rush the work. Rather than producing excellent results, they produce average results and run the risk of not being appreciated for the little effort they had put in.

As a reminder, or a 'wake up' call, this is the last month of the year. We should be tidying up and taking stock of all we have done these past few months. And for those who didn't achieve what they had set out to achieve, please don't lose faith. There is still time. No effort is a waste. Work on it. Stop stalling and start now.As we begin this new week, start something productive and satisfying. Don't let 2015 go by without you having tried to accomplish one of your goals or plans. 

Here's to a productive and procrastination-free week. 

- The Lady



     “And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work
                                                                         shall be.”
                                                                   Revelation‬ ‭22:12‬ 

CELEBRATE

No man is an island.

I have heard that phrase a lot of times through the years, at different times and from different people. I never understood the necessity of that phrase as I am one of those 'blessed' few who are neither introverts nor extroverts. In a group or at an event, I'm usually the quiet one, but with my friends and family, hmmm...I'm hardly still! I have had my fair share of hurtful people entering into my life, but on the whole, I have been blessed with people who cared about me. 

No man really is an island. Life is too risky and complicated for one person to live through alone. Life is also full of joyful moments to enjoy or celebrate alone. There are some challenges in life that a  person or his money can not fix. This is where his network or connections come in. We need other people for some things, even things as little as emotional support. I know that some will object to me saying that emotional support is little. I really do believe that emotional support is not only necessary, but has a huge impact on a person's attitude to life. 

No matter how tough we think we are, or how strong we might be, we will, at some point, need the support of other people. No matter how little. And the least we can do is to celebrate them, with our gratitude, prayers, and/or support in return for what they have done. I have received every kind of support from people around me, some of whom were not related to me in any way. And I hope that I have appreciated and don't stop appreciating and celebrating them. 

Every person matters, and everything done for anyone matters and means a lot. Even if the person doesn't realize or appreciate what has been done, let's not stop being who we have always been to them. We must celebrate ourselves by continuing in the good deeds. 

- The Lady



     “Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not,
                                               lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;”
                                                                        ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭54:2‬ ‭

SITUATIONSHIP

I promise you that 'situationship' is not an English word in the dictionary, but it is a condition that deserves its place in the dictionary. I don't have an appropriate term to describe the condition, and I had been in one or two in the past before I realized what was happening. So have you if you really think about it.

A 'Situationship' is a condition of having a connection or association with a person not related to you,(in most cases), whether by blood or marriage, and not really 'relating' with that person except for a few, sometimes forced, form of action. Now let's break that my definition down. Ever been in a situation where you only hangout with a person, not because you really want to, but because of the situation you have(sometimes unknowingly) put yourself in? Exactly! That is a situationship.

Humans, especially in this age of social media and networking, have not only succeeded in making the world smaller, but have created some form of relationship with the various people we have met along the line. Many have forged business relationships, some marital relationships, some romantic relationships, and some situationships(as there is no other bracket to branch what they've created). 

I once went to the movies with a couple of friends, and while we waited for the movie to begin, one of the girls brought up an issue of a boy who was on her Facebook Messenger list and whom she did not know how to interact with. She had met him at her cousin's wedding and he connected with her on Facebook through a picture from that wedding in which she was tagged in. He had asked her out on a date, and although she went on the date, she said that the conversation was 'just there' and that there was no 'spark' between them. Their chats consisted of mostly "Hello", "Hi", "How are you and your family?", "Fine. And yours?". She didn't know how to manage the situation. 

Some of us have been there. In various versions, but it all boils down to the same thing. A situation where you are not exactly anything with that person but you are something together. I have heard of a situationship where all that the two people had was sexual relations and nothing more. Holding a normal conversation was awkward for them, and if you asked them if they were in a relationship, they will both vehemently say no. This was not a 'friends with benefits' situation as they would have to be friends which they were not.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say that every way we relate with people should be given a name or tagged as friendship, or relationship, or whatever, but it is more tidy to know what you are to the other person so that relating with that person would be easier. I mean, how do you handle a thing that was/is not a 'thing'? How do you treat each other, or introduce the other person? How do you even end it when it gets to that point? Situationships can be really tricky to manage. But, we live in a world where there are different people with different ways of associating. I would only advice that you listen to your heart and know what you want so that you don't create a situationship when you want a relationship or vice versa. 

- The Lady



      “And I will shake all nations, and the desire of all nations shall come: and I will fill this house
                                                 with glory, saith the Lord of hosts.”
                                                                  Haggai‬ ‭2:7‬ 

ESCAPE (3)

"Which part inside mainland?", he asked in pidgin English. She knew nowhere on the mainland having had no reason to be on this side of the city except to & fro the Airport. "Anywhere far from here.",  she replied. "Take me to any good hotel anywhere safe. I need to be far from here. I need a pharmacy, food, & new clothes.", she added. He looked at her through the mirror. "Okay Ma.", he responded. She fell asleep after that and slept through the ride. She woke with a start when he tapped her to wake her up. He was parked in front of a pharmacy. "Wetin you want buy make I go buy am? Because if them see you like this, na Police them go call.", he said. She adjusted her shirt that had slipped, exposing her scars. "Na man do you this thing? Na him make you dey run? E no go beta for am! No worry, I go carry you anywhere you want. Him no go fit find you. I go go buy everything wey you want for you. Na God go punish that man! Him be animal! Him no get...", he was saying emotionally when she cut him off. She was too tired. She needed to sleep. "Thank you Sir.", she said. "Please buy Vaseline, any good bathing soap, and Panadol tablets. Thank you.", she added.
He took the money she gave him and went into the pharmacy. Barely four minutes later, he was back with everything including a pack of bottled water. He took her to a store where she bought clothes and underwears, and then to the hotel. He came to the hotel daily to go buy food and other things she needed. By the third week, the scars were barely visible. She was getting stronger both physically, mentally, and  emotionally. Mr. Dele, the taxi driver, had helped her withdraw money from her accounts daily since the day after he had dropped her at the hotel using her ATM cards to the daily maximum on each. Her plans were materializing. She still woke up with nightmares sometimes. But it is okay. It was all a test she believed. A test not to show her weaknesses, but for her to discover her strengths. And though the future looks bleak, she can't wait to see what is in store for her.
She has called her family, informed them of all that had happened in the past, letting them know that she was safe and comfortable where she was. She needs to get through this without them present and breathing down her neck. This is her fight, and she will fight it herself.

This is not the end...


- The Lady



      “Both riches and honour come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and
                        might; and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all.”
                                                                     1 Chronicles‬ ‭29:12‬ ‭

ESCAPE (2)

"He recognized me!", she thought. She kept jogging. "I will rather die than go back!" She resolved. She kept her head low to hide the scars on her face and neck and kept jogging. "Jogging in the rain is quite relaxing. But don't catch the cold Ma'am", advised the security man as he opened the pedestrian gate. She jogged past him and out of the gate. "Free!! Free at last!!!", she thought! He did not notice the flip-flops on her feet. She started running. Faster. "I know you are working God, please don't fail me.", she prayed. She got onto the walkway, with the shrubs as cover, she wrung the wet shirt to take off the excess rain water. Putting the shirt back on, she resumed running again. 
Too happy to celebrate, too tired to feel joy. She felt the rear pocket of the jeans. Yes, the ATM cards are there. As always. The images came flooding. She had done his laundry, and as usual, he complained. "You didn't iron them properly, especially the shirts, you good-for-nothing imbecile!", he said as he slapped her. She did not feel the sting of the slap as much as she felt the sharp pain in her neck as her head turned almost more than 180 degrees. Tears shot to her eyes so fast it felt like a tsunami had hit. She didn't dare make a sound or, as experience had thought her, he will hit her harder. She quickly took the shirts to laundry room to re-iron them. On getting back to the room, he snatched the shirts off her hands, grabbed her by the collar of the dress she had on, and started throwing punches at her face. "You've succeeded in making me late for work again you witch!", he spat at her. She dared not reply. He kept at it, hitting her for what felt like hours but was merely four minutes. After he had stopped, she could not stand. She only felt him step on her stomach to the bathroom. This he repeated when he got out. 
She thought she had fainted, because when she came to, he was not there. He had locked her in his room and gone to work. Her first time lying in that room in over a year. She crawled into the bathroom, struggling to stand up, she drank water straight from the table at the washbasin, cleaned it up so he wouldn't notice, and crawled back to the room.
She must have slept off there, dreaming of freedom. She can't contact anyone for help. That beast had her phones, ATM cards and International Passport locked in his room! His room!! That's where she's locked up in! Mustering all the strength she had, she got up and, bit by bit, began searching the drawers and wardrobes. She had been searching for about ten minutes when she remembered. The safe! "God, please let it be the same.", she prayed. God was listening. The safe clicked at first attempt. The son of a gun still uses the same password, his year of birth. Her jewelries, ATM cards, Identity Cards and International Passports were all there, along with some money and his private documents. She took her International Passports, ATM Cards, and her mother's three diamond rings. They had been with her in every pair of jeans she had worn since that day. Waiting for this day. 
She used the third ATM machine she saw as it was the only one with nobody waiting. She withdrew to the daily limit on two of the cards and fixed the money in every pocket of her jeans. She was calmer now. With cash, her cards and her passports in hand, she walked to the darker side of the road. The second taxi was driven by an older man. She got in. "Take me to the mainland.", she asked. 


- The Lady



      “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
                    (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)”
                                                                  Ephesians‬ ‭5:8-9‬

ESCAPE (1)

Her heartbeat, and the sound of her feet hitting the concrete was all the music she heard. She had prayed, cried, dreamt and wished for this for so long, even now, it feels unreal. She couldn't stop, if for no reason but to convince herself that this was really happening. Finally! Her heartbeat sounded louder and faster. "Thank God" was all her brain could think of. She'd rather die than stop running. Her feet hurt. The flip-flops were not making it easy for her to run, but she would rather manage the pain than stop to take the footwear off.
"Just a little further", she thought. She won't celebrate until she is someplace safe. The image of his fist making contact with her nose and the familiar taste of her blood in her mouth made her run faster. She needs to get away. Far away from this place. "Thank God, thank God, thank God..." she mouthed continuously.
She saw the light from the car before she heard the sound of the car. With nowhere else to run to, she jumped into the shallow drainage system. During the months of being locked up in that room, she had memorized the sound of everyone's car on this side of the estate. Mr. Oluwale's car. She stayed completely still, squatting in the gutters, not feeling the waste water pass between her legs nor perceiving the stench. "I can't go back God, please, I can't go back there", she prayed under her breath. Mr. Oluwale's car passed by thankfully. Out of the gutters she came, and footwear in hand, she ran like her life depended on it. Her life does depend on it. If she's caught now, he will definitely kill her!
She saw light again. Not car lights this time. The good light. The one she had prayed, cried, dreamt, and wished to see all these months! Finally! But she can't celebrate now. It's not over yet. The light of her dreams, flowing from the light bulbs at the security post, the only thing standing between her and her freedom. Now came the hard part. She hadn't thought that far. How does she get past the security post and the security personnel without being seen and raising suspicions? "God help me, please, God help me", she prayed. She crossed to the other side of the road which was darker and took off the shirt she had on leaving on the tank top. The air felt cold on her back but she barely noticed. Thankful for the darkness which hid the scars on her body. Her once porcelain-like skin. "This is not the time to cry",  she said to herself. She plastered a smile on her face and began jogging slowly. "Blind them that they don't see me O God!" she prayed.
As she got closer to the security post, she began doubting herself. "What if they become suspicious and stop me, or see the scars", she thought. They would take her back to the house! No!! She'd rather kill herself than go back. She was closer now. She counted three security men, two inside the small security building, and one at the pedestrian gate. She jogged towards the gate. "God please let them not be suspicious." she prayed, for the umpteenth time. She was already too close to go back. "Good evening Mrs. Benson." said the security man at the gate. Her heart literally dropped!


- The Lady

         “Because of the house of the Lord our God I will seek thy good.”

                                           Psalms‬ ‭122:9‬

FIGHTER

Mama told her "My child, you will soar,
So said her friends and her tutors too.
But her sight was not clear as they saw,
As she never saw herself as good.

Daily, she gave all she thought she had,
But her efforts only produced small.
For she did not give life all that she had,
But what she truly thought was her all.

She was a subject, an example to some,
Of what they could achieve if they tried.
But none saw the battles, none could come,
None could calm the storm raging inside.

She was sick and tired of it all,
The 'near misses' and the 'barely there's.
For a change, she gave it her all,
And a smile came for all the tears.

Her hope was reborn finally,
For a change, she saw possibility.
That her dreams could come through surely,
To the end without fatality.

Her doubts had nothing on her faith,
Like a lioness, her dreams she'll protect.
Though the serpent will hiss it's doubt as bait,
She's a fighter, her dreams she'll protect.


- The Lady



        “Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels.”
                                                                  Jeremiah‬ ‭18:3‬ ‭

LEADERSHIP

At a networking event I attended earlier this year, I met some very interesting young people and got talking with them. During the conversation with each of them, I found myself asking them where they plan to be in 5 years. Not surprisingly, they all wanted different things. But the similarity between all the replies they gave was that they all wanted to be the 'boss' in some way, whether by owning an organisation or being the Chairman/CEO of one. All of these interprets to being in the position of a leader.
To lead means to direct with authority or by influence, to conduct, command, or be in charge. A leader is therefore one having authority to direct. From the beginning of time, through different ages and cultures, there has always been a person, or a group of persons, who have been looked up to as leaders. They were there to guide, protect, fight for, and provide for the people they exercised authority over.
In our present time, not much has changed. Even more is expected of a leader. He or she ought to have leadership qualities. Leadership qualities are those characters present in a leader which helps him exercise and execute his duties.
The first and most important of such leadership qualities is service. A leader must be ready to work for and/or with his team, and if necessary, do the work they can not or have neglected to do. A leader must always be ready to serve. By service I don't mean being a slave to those he ought to lead. On the contrary, a leader ought to be able and ready to do play his part to push the vision of the organisation. This quality works together with another quality which is commitment. A leader that is committed to his work will have the respect of his team who in turn will be committed to achieving results.
Flowing from service is another quality which is delegation. The quality of a person's work will lessen if he does too many things at a time. As the saying goes, a jack of all trades is a master of none. A leader should be able to delegate somethings to those working for him. This shows them that he trusts them with his idea, and trusts that they will deliver. This will motivate them to work hard.
Honesty is another quality that some don't acknowledge. This quality goes to the ethical standards of the organisation. If the team can not be honest among themselves, how do they expect to deal with those outside the organisation?
A leader must have good communication skills. He should be able to communicate his ideas to his team and/or investors, and those he answers to in the organisation, if any. He must also have good communication channels so that ideas of the team members, concerns, or complaints can be relayed to him effectively.
Management and decision-making skills are very important for the progress of the organisation. To effectively reach the target mission and vision of the organisation, this skills must not only be present, but must be applied in good time.
Confidence is another quality and an extremely important one. A confident leader can push his team to heights unimagined. When a leader is confident in stormy times, this will increase the morale of the team, making them ready to work. Positive attitude is also a quality and a leader who has this quality even in times of need will not only build the morale of his team, but keep them motivated to see results.
A leader must be creative and intuitive. When a 'Storm' hits the organisation and it is thrown into a new and unexpected path, a leader who trusts his intuition will be very handy.
Humility, discipline, determination for success, ability to inspire, approachability,  and hardworking attitude are some of the leadership qualities a leader must have. With all these together, there is hardly any height a leader can not attain.
Work on yourself, build yourself...the sky is your stepping stone!


- The Lady



        “Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of
                                             that which the young men have drawn.”
                                                                        Ruth‬ ‭2:9‬ ‭

CHANGE

That constant thing in life, that one thing that never changes is change itself. As long as there is life, there must be change. It is as inevitable as death. Change is that visitor that comes whether or not he is invited or expected. Things may be as they are and suddenly, change happens, and it all goes one way or another, for good or bad.
It is a possibility that lives with us daily, that is why we keep going back to that job hoping for a promotion. Or why we stay in that relationship hoping that you can we can change the other person. Or why we take up that insurance cover because of 'life's uncertainties'.
We grow daily and that alone is change. I had to face the reality of that change, growth, today. Someone I have known for practically all my life, my childhood friend, took on a new and beautiful life journey today. One that I'm very happy for but it is a change that everyone around her, even I, have to adjust to.
Change, being what it is, no matter how much you expect it or prepare for it, when it does come, it still hits you in a way you never expected. I welcome change completely, but it never fails to surprise me. At this point, I have learnt to just live my life, expect change, and make the best of whatever situation I'm faced with.
Bottom line is...live your life, change will happen anyway!


- The Lady



        “Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?”
                                                  James‬ ‭3:11‬

HABIT

We have heard stories about people's lives and experiences, sometimes from others, but most times from the people themselves. The stories may differ, but the reaction(s) expected from us, which could range from pity, tears, and hugs, to advice, or support, usually is the same. We have sometimes been the ones telling our stories to others.
As humans, it is 'in us' to want to share details of our lives, especially to those who are close to us. And as Africans, 'those who are close to us' includes not just members of our family, both nuclear and extended, but our friends, neighbours, church members, business partners, and much more. Social media has added a spin to this tendency. Now, sharing details of our lives is as easy as the click of a button. This has gradually become a habit. Sometimes making our private lives public.
This habit might have helped us at some point, but on the long run, will amount to some sort of issue. The truth is, not every aspect of our lives needs to be shared. And definitely not everyone is interested in being part of our lives or hearing about our lives. Most times, we tell the wrong people and end up worse than we were when we don't get the reaction we expected, or when our stories are used against us in some way.
The first step in breaking this habit is to stop focusing on the problem and to start focusing on the solution(s) or possibilities. When this can be done, the need to share every detail of our lives will reduce. When faced with an issue, remember, no amount of worrying or talking about the issue can change it, we need to create a solution plan and work with it.


- The Lady



      “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul
                                                                   prospereth."
                                                                   3 John‬ ‭1:2‬

BITTEN

A few weeks after I got into my new school, I was just about settled in and getting familiar with my new surroundings, I found a confectionery close to the school and decided to try it out. The first time I went there was a Thursday afternoon, after lectures. I perceived the sweet aroma of baked goodness while I was 3 blocks away from my destination and I knew I was in love! I stepped into this heaven-sent store and felt peace in my heart. That feeling you get when you get home after a long day at work...It was amazing!

The arrangement of the cakes, cupcakes, and cookies was beautiful. I could barely hide my excitement. In 2 long strides, I was at the counter pointing out the items I wanted packed up for me. That was when I noticed a second sales attendant at the counter quietly explaining to a lady standing beside me that there was insufficient cash on the lady's debit card to pay for what the lady had taken, most of which the lady had already eaten. I felt embarrassed for the lady who was already close to tears. I offered to pay for the things her debit card could not pay for. 

She was so happy, she waited for me to be done being attended to and proceeded to walk with me. I found out that she was a fellow student at my school and we got talking all the way back to school. Fast forward to 2 weeks after we met. After lectures for the day, she met me and asked if I want to go get cakes. "Why not?" I said and off to the confectionery we went. On our way back from the confectionery, she said that she wanted to use the ATM. I stopped for her to get done. From there, she said that she wanted to have Ice cream from some place, and fried rice from another place as the ones sold at the canteen in school were not what she wanted. "Shuo! This babe want carry waka like this o!"(This girl wants to take me around with her) I thought to myself. I immediately gave her reasons why I needed to be back at school and left her. 

The next time I saw her was a Saturday. She wanted to go get cakes again, and this time, at a different place. "Wetin happen?! Na only me done help person?" (What happened?! Am I the only person who has helped someone?) I thought. This time, I refused immediately, telling her that I wanted to catch up on some courses and had no time to leave school. Once bitten, twice shy. She never called me to go with her on her cake quests again.

In the world we live in today, we can not just let ourselves be pushed around by anyone and/or everyone. We ought to know what we want out of life, where we want to be, who we want to be with, and the likes. We have to have a plan. Be in charge of our lives. Not everyone's plans includes us, and some that do are not in our best interests. The girl mentioned earlier may have seen me as a friend, or just a partner in sweet tooth satisfaction. Whatever it was, I knew what I was in school for and knew that I had no time to waste going to different places when I had books to read. You have to make choices for yourself, be ready to look people in the eye and let them know what those choices are.

Your life is yours, be in charge of it!

- The Lady



         “The lion hath roared, who will not fear? the Lord God hath spoken, who can but prophesy?”
                                                                         Amos‬ ‭3:8‬ 

BEAUTY

She was tall. Really tall. About 6'1 tall without the shoes she had on, which were some drool-worthy Sophia Websters. That was the first thing I noticed. Then I saw her eyes. A beautiful shade of chestnut. And very long black hair which she packed up in a ponytail, no weaves or extensions visible. "She is really beautiful", I thought. I wanted to tell her that but I walked past with my friends who were also admiring her. We stopped to get Ice cream at the Coldstone store, and afterwards, we went to catch a movie.

An hour and thirty minutes later, after the movie had ended, we went down to window-shop and probably buy whatever the spirit leads us to buy. We had gone past 3 stores when we heard raised voices and sounds of someone crying. The 'tatafo antennas' in us stood at attention, and like ant soldiers, we matched to the source of the noise. At the entrance to the store, we acted like we were actually interested in buying a set of makeup brushes, and armed with makeup lingo, we strutted into the store and to the makeup aisle. We put up a performance of disinterest in the argument/fight going on at the checkout point of the store whilst taking up vantage positions at the makeup aisle.

The first thing I noticed was the tall beautiful lady from earlier screaming at 4 other persons. Her eyes, once brown and beautiful, were icy and piercing whoever was unfortunate to have them fixed on them. She still had her hair packed up in a ponytail, and still wore the same clothes, a beautiful gown made of Ankara print with sequins like those made by Tiffany Amber, but she no longer looked beautiful. Far from it! She looked scary to say the least!! Icicles were practically flying out of her eyes. Whatever made her angry must have been bad. And whoever was the cause of her anger must have done something terrible.

Bit by bit, the argument started making sense to me. Apparently, the tall 'Ice Queen' had picked some things from the store, and upon paying in cash, the cashier told her that some of the notes were too damaged for her to accept and that the Ice Queen should change them. At that, the Ice Queen gave the cashier one 'beta' slap that had the poor girl crying profusely. "Do you know who I am? Do you know who you are insulting? Is your madam not that small girl of yesterday? Binta of yesterday is your madam and she didn't teach you how to treat your customers?!"...and on the Ice Queen went.

At this point, my friends and I had abandoned our camouflage and were shamelessly watching the show before us. A 'good Samaritan' came in and tried to pacify the warring parties but the Ice Queen could not be pacified. A man, whom she referred to as "Baby", later came into the store, paid for the things she had picked, and took her out of the store by the hand. My friends and I, not acting anymore, left the store. We met the 'Ice Queen' and her 'Baby' at the car park, she no longer looked beautiful to me.

I went home with a lesson that day. Beauty really is not just about the physical. It goes deeper than that. Beauty is how you think and talk, how you act whether or not people are watching, how you treat others as much as how you treat yourself. Beauty is about the mind...that which cannot be bought. That which stays after the make-up is off. That which stays through the smooth skin and the wrinkles. Beauty is how others perceive you when you do not know that they have you in their thoughts.

I saw the Ice Queen again at some event some months later, in a lovely, expensive-looking attire. I am not one to judge people, but she did not look as beautiful as the first time I had seen her and this had nothing to do with her clothes or makeup. The 'inside' of her had ruined the picture.


-The Lady


        “As yet I am as strong this day as I was in the day that Moses sent me: as my strength was then,
                          even so is my strength now, for war, both to go out, and to come in.”
                                                                     Joshua‬ ‭14:11‬