How To: Self-Motivation And Decision-Making

Photo Credit: Prince Meyson

"Adorn yourself, not with silver nor gold, but with strength and dignity." - Unknown

Am I the only one who talks to herself? No? Great!
I have found myself to be a strong source of motivation to myself. When I'm going through stuff that I can not properly explain to someone, I assess things myself and talk some sense into myself. Sometime, I'll be like "You can do this Rae, stop whining." Then I'll turn around and catch my mum looking at me like "Are you okay?" Hahahaha...the struggle.

Self-motivation is simply the way we(individually) motivate ourselves without any help from some other person. Although the upside of motivating yourself is that you have some level of privacy as you alone know what you are going through, and you can get that 'refill' of motivation whenever you are running low on it, the downside is that you have to be strong, determined, and sure that you can do it by, and for, yourself.

You have to be strong because it gets lonely handling everything on your own: going through life, living through all those emotions, and having to be objective when it comes to making some tough decisions. You have to be strong enough to be truthful to yourself on every level and concerning every matter or else, you will only end up getting yourself more worried than you were in the beginning.

You have to be determined to the extent of being ready to do it despite the negative thoughts that might creep into your head sometimes. You are the one going through everything so you will have all these emotions flowing inside. Make up your mind that you will do what will be best for you in the long run. If you don't, you will end up making decisions that work in the short run, but will make things difficult for you in the long run.

Having decided on all that, you have to find what works for you. Mine ranges from sorting through my emotions over a cup(or 2) of ice cream to preparing myself to make big decisions by doing chores around the house(doing chores calms me.) You have to find what calms you because you need a clear head to help you motivate yourself and make the best decisions.

Here are things you can try to prepare yourself to motivate yourself and make decisions:
• Take a walk, long or short, to clear your head.
• Go for an exercise.
• Write motivational quotes and hang them around your house.
• Try something new, you will be inspired to make that tough decision after.
• Sleep.(One of my favorites.) You will have a clear head once you wake up.

I hope this post is as helpful as I wanted it to be. If you have any more tips to add or you have problems motivating yourself, do use the comments section below or the 'Quick Message' section on the right👉🏾(if you are viewing this on the web version.)
Have a great weekend!
With love...


- The Lady

P/s: Thanks to those who have been sending in questions and suggestions. You have all been very helpful.

“Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift.”

2 Corinthians 9:15

That Thing Called Low Self-Esteem

Photo Credit: Author's

"You have a future and a hope." - Paul Oon

So, I met someone this week and we had one of those conversations that get you thinking about life. You see, we met while at an event and got talking about makeup at first, but somehow, the conversation moved to the subject of personal growth.(I can't help it, I always find myself trying to talk people into consciously working on making themselves better.)🙈

Anyway, while talking with her, she kept saying "I'm not that type of person..", "I'm not good at...", "I'm okay with the way I am", and all that. But some minutes earlier, she had said "I wish I can make enough money to dress like her" while admiring a lady who had just come into the event venue.

One of the biggest setbacks that people face is their lack of belief in themselves and low self-esteem. You can't expect to move forward if you don't believe that you can. You can't expect to be the best if you don't believe that you are or that you can be the best. If you have even the tiniest of low self-esteem, there are some habits you can adopt to get yourself on the right path.

• Adopt the habit of thinking positively about yourself. One of the best ways of doing this is reading books on building self-esteem and living a positive life. You can study the habits of people who don't have self-esteem issues and adopt some of them that fit your life.

• Surround yourself with the kind of people you want to be like and be honest with them about what you are going through. Yes, this might take a lot of courage and a beating on your already low self-esteem if they don't give you the response you want. But what have you got to lose?

• Accept your 'flaws' and try to find ways to keep improving yourself and your self-esteem. Enjoy the process no matter how hard it is, be gentle with yourself if you don't see immediate results, but never stop trying to get better.

No personal growth journey began and ended in a day. The beauty of it is in the struggle...they make for the best stories.

Did you at any point suffer low self-esteem? How did you or anyone around you conquer low self-esteem? Please drop your comments in the section below, someone needs the knowledge you have.
With love...


- The Lady

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”

Philippians 2:3-4

Protect Your Happiness

Photo Credit: Hair God

"In a world full of trends, I want to remain a classic." - Iman

The situation of things in the world, especially the economic and political climate, has put a cloud over people's lives to the point of frustrating a lot of people. I can't begin to count the number of times I have heard "Hmmm, this life don taya me"(I am tired of this life.)

That type of resignation is enough to push people to the extremes. And I am tired of seeing people that way. That leads me to the purpose of this post which is to try to remind people of, and inspire people to, give happiness a chance to rule their lives and get them excited about living. These could help:

• It lies in your hands to create your happiness. I keep telling people this, you run your life, not the government nor any other person. Even if some of the government's policies are not favourable to the ordinary man, nothing stops you from creating the life you want for yourself. And in turn, creating your own happiness. It is all in your hands.

• Stop being around negative people and surround yourself with positive-minded people. The longer you hang around negative people, the more their energies, thoughts and opinions will cloud your own and pull you deeper down that awful road. But being around positive people will inspire you to make the best of the life you live.

• Daily remind yourself of things that make you happy and inspire you to live. Doing this will help give you a reason to keep going. You really should not give up on yourself, your happiness, and your life when you have reasons to be happy and to live for.

• Live in, and enjoy the present as much as you can. The past and all its bleakness is gone. Live in the moments and enjoy the present. This will give you the necessary excitement to prepare for the future and all its possibilities.

• Still unhappy? Start laughing! Yes, people might think you have gone crazy, but darling, the opinion of the world doesn't matter until you are happy and satisfied with your opinion and outlook on life. So go on, be happy and excited about life. It's yours after all!

I hope this post helps you get through today and every other day. Got any tips to share? Do drop them in the comments section below.
Have an awesome weekend!


- The Lady

“O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.”

Psalms 95:1-2

Health Is Life(And Wealth)

Photo Credit: Author's

"It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It's necessary." - Mandy Hale

Some days ago, on Thursday to be exact, I fell ill. I refused to accept that I was ill.*rolls eyes* I just went on with my plans for the day like one superhero. By Friday morning though, I had to pause as I could not hide the symptoms anymore. You can only ignore an illness for some time, it won't magically disappear(as science shows).

Left to me, I would have gone on with my plans for Friday as I had a job to go to, but my mum did not listen. We fought about it, with me wanting to go to work and begin taking medications during the weekend, and her wanting me to stay home, rest, and take care of myself. Long story short, we both compromised. I ended up going to work, after I had begun taking medications and resting a little.

At the time I was trying to convince my mum about how I did not want to fail my client by calling in sick 'just because of a simple illness', that sensible part of me was giving me a serious side eye and giving me reasons why I had to keep quiet and do what my mum said. But, for where?! Stubborn me?

I gave in though, long enough for the Nurse to check on me and prescribe medications for me. As soon as I had taken the medications and rested for a while, I ran off to work. Yes, I showed up at work. Yes, I executed my duties. But, was I at my best? No. I did not give it my all as I was trying to do my job to the best of my ability while hiding my illness from everyone.

Now, I know that there are some people like me(and worse than I am) out there who would choose to finish up with work before they begin taking care of themselves rather than stay in and call in sick. But, is that really necessary? Is your life not important or is the work worth more than your life?

Nature has a way of humbling us. No matter how much we want to be superhuman, we can only do so much when we are ill. All the work we do would mean nothing if we exert ourselves to the point of death. At that point, we would have ended up failing ourselves, our families, and every one who cares about us.

Though it did not get really bad, I have learnt not to ignore the needs of my body for the sake of some job. I got that job because of my client's confidence in my ability to perform. But while ill, that ability is diminished to some extent. Thankfully, the job went well. But, for my sake, the sake of my family and loved ones, I will do better at taking care of myself.


- The Lady

“O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.”

Psalms 95:1-2

7 Ways To Optimize The Last Months Of 2016

Photo Credit: Author's

"Don't settle. Don't finish crappy books. If you don't like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you're not on the right path, get off it." - Chris Brogan

November is here!!!
Yes, the year is almost over. For some, it's almost time for another holiday. But really, it's time to reflect on the ending year. Taking stock, some of us might feel like we have 'wasted' one year(again!). But don't fret. It's not over yet. With a little determination and hard work, we can make good use of the last 2 months. Here's how:

• Set your goals for the time left of the year. Be realistic about your expectations for the next 2 months. Set achievable goals. This not the time for making 'wishful goals'. Write down all those goal, including strategies for achieving each goal. 

• Write a to-do list for each day based on your strategy for each goal. Before bed each day, go back to your goals and plans your to-do list for the next day. This way, you can be focused and make good use of each day.

• Put a plan in place to get back on course in case you slip or get distracted. We are human, so there's a possibility of us getting distracted. It's best to plan ahead taking into consideration any event of distraction. That said, put plans in place to help you check, once or twice daily, if you are still on track with your goals.

• As part of your to-do list, put a 10-15minutes challenge that will motivate you to continue with your plan. This I 'borrowed' from one of the members of Forbes list of billionaires class of 2016. It is almost impossible to stay motivated through the day. So when you are preparing your to-do list for the day, set out time to reflect on what motivates you or your daily affirmation. This helps inject some fresh motivation into your day to keep you going. This also means that when you feel low on motivation, even before the time you have set, take a break and motivate yourself.

• Get an 'execution buddy'. This is someone you trust to realise those goals with you, or get you back on course when you start getting distracted. The purpose of this is to keep you accountable to someone other than yourself. This is one of the best things you can do to optimise the remaining 2 months.

• Network! Okay. This may not be necessary for everyone based on our goals. But don't let the year end without you meeting someone new. A strong network is as valuable, if not more valuable, than cash. So get to meet people. Join business networks such as WIMBIZ(they have a conference coming up!) or any other network community that fits with your goals. Don't dull on this one o!

• Go out to relax with friends and try to speak to at least one stranger. Take some time off to relax, and while at it, strike a conversation with a stranger. You may not see again, but you would have enjoyed an interesting conversation. From personal experience, I have learnt that spontaneous conversations with strangers has helped give me a different perspective on things. So why not learn from someone you don't know and won't see again?

Got anymore tips on how we can make great use of the remaining months of 2016? Do drop it in the comments section below. We would love to get more.
Love...


- The Lady

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”

Psalms 18:2

Inspiration Stream: Focusing On The Journey

Photo Credit: Author's

"Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus." - Alexander Graham Bell

Whether or not we admit it to ourselves, life is a journey. And not everybody is designed to be able to go on journeys without planning for it. That is the easiest way for things to go wrong, and life is too short and beautiful to be making such mistakes.

In life, it is easy to get sidetracked and distracted from the path we ought to be on(our personal growth journey) by flimsy things that may not matter in a couple of hours. Unless you have a solid vision that is backed by your conscious action and positive attitude, it is very easy to give up on the things that matter.

This post flows from the last post about creating your goals around your life. Figuring out what you want for your life and writing it down is easy, but what happens next? It is easy to say "Oh! I have my goals written down, let me reward myself with a much needed break!" Honey, you have only just begun your personal growth journey, that's the easiest way to lose focus and get derailed from it.

Yes, you have written your goals down.(High fives for that by the way!) But it is not yet time to be rewarding yourself with breaks. Far from it. It is time to LIVE those goals. To see your personal growth journey through. If you want to take a break to catch your breath, by all means do. Look around, meet people, whatever works for you, but get right back and do the work you need to be doing.

One of the 'projects' I worked on this week reminded me of how important it is to stay motivated, do the work you need to do, and be accountable, first to yourself before others. Find the things that get you excited about your growth and your future. But don't stop there. Remind yourself of those things daily so that you don't lose focus of what is important. And if you need someone to help you with this, ask the person.

Tap into that 'inspiration stream' daily. Always remind yourself of the reasons why you need to work towards your goal(s) and stay focused on your personal growth and development. And at some point, it will be second nature to you. You will be a bundle of inspiration and success stories for others to tap from. Haa...don't we all just love happy endings?😍

P/s: What do you do to stay passionate and motivated about your goals? How do you hold yourself  accountable for the success of those goals? Please drop your comments below, I would love to hear from you.
Love...


- The Lady

“Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.”

Psalms 116:2

Big Picture To Smaller Pictures: Create Your Goals Around Your Life

Photo Credit: Moshoodat 

"Creativity is like breathing. When you make stuff, you're exhaling. But you can't exhale forever. Eventually, you'll have to breathe in. Or, you'll be dead." - Matthew Inman(The Oatmeal)

We are finally done with the 3-part series on personal growth! If you missed any of them, please click on any, or all 3, of the last posts. (Phew! *wipes brow* Lol!) Now we can get on with the fun stuff which really is what we are here for right? But first, what have to put all we have learnt about renewing our minds and personal growth into perspective and start living them.

So, now you know who you really are, the way you think, the things you love and hate, and the people that ought to remain in your life because of their positive influence in your life. Now, it's time to be definite about the way you want to live and the direction you want your life to go. This is not hard I promise. You may have even done this before.

It all boils down to setting achievable goals that you will be excited to wake up to execute. Voila! I told you it won't be hard. In my past post on goals, I talked about how it became easier for me to work on my personal goals last year and execute them all. Now, I'm back to help you with yours so we can all have fun with setting and executing those goals without it feeling like a chore. You ready?!

• First, don't think about it as a chore. Simple as it sounds, it's easy for us to get too serious about it and start handling it like a task. It's your life, take it easy, baby steps will be just fine for now until you get the hang of it. Then you can switch to autopilot or overdrive. Whichever rocks your boat.

• Get a day planner. A note book set aside for this purpose will be fine if you don't have a day planner. Also, ready your smartphones and tech devices. Not sure why you need technology in this? Patience darling, we are getting there.

• Now, think of what you want to be in 5 years(you can do 10 years if you want a bigger picture). No matter how crazy whatever you want to be sounds, as long as it's what you want for yourself, don't let anyone tell you it's not achievable. This will be your big picture. Write it down exactly how you want it to be - story style or bulletpoint style.

• Break that big picture into smaller pictures. To ace this, ask yourself, based on your big picture, what would you want to achieve in 6 months, or 1 year. That way, everything you do during the time leading to your set time at point 3 above will be easier to achieve. Mind you, this time breaks, 6 months or 1year, will be your review period. Time to see how far you have come with your plans.

• After all these have been done on your day planner or note book, duplicate them in the 'notes' application of your phones or devices. For this, it's best to use the device(s) that you always have with you so that you can easily remind yourself and add anything. But don't remove anything on the list except you don't want to go in that direction anymore. This is to help you review your progress.

See, that was fun I hope? Now, you have your 'big picture' in your head, your heart, your day planner/note book, and on all your devices. All the 'heavy lifting' has been done. It's now time to live your life freely, in the direction of your big picture. If you have any ideas that I did not add here, feel free to drop it in the comments section below, or in the 'Quick Message' section(if you're viewing this on the web version) on the right👉🏾.
Love...


- The Lady

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.”

Ephesians 6:10

Personal Growth Through Perseverance

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Photo Credit: Max The Body

"Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." - Joshua Marine

In the words of Steve Harvey, "In all adversity, there is always a lesson and a blessing. You can not get to the blessing without first learning the lesson(s)." There is so much truth in those words! No matter what you go through in life, there is always a lesson to learn that leads to your eventual success.

But you have got to be ready to persevere. Have the will to keep going not minding how you feel nor whatever the circumstances around are. Things may not be going as planned, or it's becoming increasingly difficult to continue being positive and working on your personal growth journey/plan, but persist anyway. Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. Knowing that the end of it all will be all kinds of awesome. 

Are you used to the concept of positive personal affirmations yet? I hope you are because those affirmations will help you get through this phase of your journey.

Here is one of mine to help you make yours:

"I am great. I have great powers within me. I can be all I want to be with work and determination. I am strong, beautiful, successful, and smart. But best of all, I am more than enough for myself."

Hope you got some pointers to help you write yours? Now, go on and write yours. And whenever you feel low on motivation,  remind yourself of your goal and your personal affirmation(s), and you will start to see things take shape for good in your life.

Have a great day and weekend.

Love...


-The Lady

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

Galatians 6:9

Personal Growth Through Self-Love

Photo Credit: Awed By Monica

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." - VIO

As I say to all who ask, I am passionate about people. Seeing them grow and achieve their desired results gives me joy and I have decided to do all I can to inspire positive change in people, help people make better decisions and live better lives. But that end can only be achieved through commitment to some processes. The first of those processes being the knowing(more like understanding) of one's self, as there cannot be personal growth without in-depth knowledge and understanding  of one's self.

But can anyone really know himself/herself? That is not a question that can receive a simple yes or no answer. In truth, all we can do is to understand the way we think about, feel about, and perceive things. We really can't fully and completely know ourselves, but we can understand ourselves and that is a good enough start for me. Some might oppose this reasoning but be free to share your opinion in the comments section below.

Now, to really begin to understand yourself with the desired result of becoming a better person so as to enable you live a better life, you first have to understand the concept of self-love. "Ummm, I love myself already!" you may say. But take a break and think, do you really practice it? Do you show yourself that you love yourself? Do you make decisions that reflects this love in your life?

Don't be so quick to reply 'YES!' to all those questions. Consider all your thoughts, actions, and decisions you have made concerning yourself and your life in the past one month(Let's not go to far into the past.) While considering all those thoughts, actions, decisions, and all, consider if you would be happy about them if someone who 'claims' to love you had done them for/to you. Would your answers to those questions still be the same?

Would you have loved it if someone had had those thoughts about you? Would you have loved it if someone had done all those acts towards you? Would you have loved it if someone had made all those decisions that affected you in those ways? Honestly consider everything you have done that affects, and probably still affects, you personally. Do they reflect any atom of love for yourself?

If you can really begin to understand the concept of self-love as it affects everything you do for yourself, then you can begin to understand who you are and how to love yourself. Remember, your words, thoughts and actions towards yourself serves as a pointer for other people to emulate when it comes to their relationship with you.

Ergo, if people see/perceive that you love and respect yourself, they will relate with you with that same level, if not more, love and respect. But if they don't perceive any measure of self-love and self-respect, they will not bother being respectful or loving towards you. So, understand what you want for yourself, work towards getting what you want, and never stop letting people know that you understand and love yourself.

Personal growth begins with true understanding of one's self. Working on your conducts without focusing on understanding who you are is a form of hypocrisy that would eventually shine through in your actions, thereby causing avoidable problems. Work on understanding yourself and you will be able to grow as a person, with focus and direction.
Good luck with this step and have a great weekend! And for my Nigerians, have a happy Independence celebration.


- The Lady

“Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.”

Ephesians 5:1-2

Personal Growth Through Meditation

Photo Credit: Nnenna Stella

"What you do has far greater impact than what you say." - Stephen Covey

In the past, the word "meditate" brought up pictures of people doing yoga in my head(lol). I don't know why. But thanks to reading and personal practice, I know better.

An important step to a successful personal growth journey through mediation is to identity your 'failure triggers'. What are the underlying triggers that impede or impact your desire to grow and/or succeed? While understanding these triggers is key, personal growth can not be achieved by that alone. It still requires some action on your part.

A key strategy for a successful personal growth journey and plan is to be aware of your past decisions, what influenced them, why you made them, and what strategies you can put in place to prevent you from falling back to those ways.

During my own time, my 'failure triggers' were fear of change, my pride, and anger.

Now, it's your turn. Time for you to take action and control over those triggers. Process them. Consider your actions and decisions in the past 1 - 2 months and the factors surrounding them. Do find yourself succumbing to those triggers I listed out? Are there more triggers of your own? Write down all your 'failure triggers', what influenced them, why you made them, and what strategies you can put in place to prevent falling back to them.

If you believe in affirmations(which you should), write down an affirmation for each trigger. Here's an example of mine to guide you:
"I know that I made ______ mistake because I was scared of people knowing that I was vulnerable. I am vulnerable because I am human. And I am strong because I know my weaknesses, and I will work through my weaknesses to become a stronger person."

Now, you can write all of yours down. You can write them differently than I did mine if you like, but the target is for you to be aware of the root of your choices and decisions so as to help you make better decisions in the future. So no pressure. Have fun while doing it. I look forward to seeing the changes in our future.
Have a great weekend!


- The Lady

“This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”

Joshua 1:8

NYSC: My Experience And Lessons Learnt

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"Your future depends on many things...but mostly, it depends on you." - Zig Ziglar

My one year service period to Nigeria(NYSC) ended yesterday! 💃🏾💃🏾
Has it really been one year?! Wow! The journey that began on the 28th of October, 2015 is finally over. As I write this, I have all kinds of emotions running through my entire body so I can't really say if it's excitement, fear, or just pure joy I feel right now. Please permit me. I know that I should be more 'professional' about this but I can't help being emotional right now. I can go home!!!

My NYSC journey began like everyone else's I guess. I was happy to be finally serving my country, but curious about what lay ahead. Unlike some, I was posted to the state of my choice, Akwa Ibom State. One of the most beautiful and peaceful states in Nigeria. And unlike some, I did not have fun in the orientation camp at Nsit Atai, Akwa Ibom State. I hate confinement and I couldn't wait to leave that place.

But after the 3-week orientation period ended, it became easier for me to adjust and cope with my new 'home'. I was posted to serve at the Alternative Dispute Resolution department of the Akwa Ibom State's Ministry of Justice where I met the most amazing people. Now, my entire experience in Akwa Ibom State was as fun as I let it get(which is not so much I admit), but the lessons I learnt through the year are worth sharing and I hope you gain from them. So, here we go.

• A lot can be achieved in one year. Despite my work at the Ministry and the classes I took for a course I was interested in, I found time to write on the blog, while juggling 2 executive positions at my Community Development Service(CDS) group and my church's Corp members' group. I never knew I could be a good leader nor that I could multitask but I did well if I do say so myself.
• Everything changes, even people. I learnt this the hard way. I let my belief in the good in people and 'first impression' fool me into making friends with some people. Those 'friendships' turned toxic and I got burnt. Although I will keep believing in the good in people, I have learnt to take my time when bringing people close as friends.
• Life is meant to be lived. That includes enjoying, exploring and making the best use of the time and life you have got. Knowing that I had just one year to be in Akwa Ibom made me eager to see and enjoy the state as much as I could. I enjoyed the food, the peaceful atmosphere and the people. I would be going home soon, why not enjoy the time I have?
• No matter how little a budget is, it is better than nothing. I was fortunate to serve Nigeria during a period of economic crisis. I was forced to be creative with my budget while creating other sources of income for myself. It wasn't as colourful as it sounds now, but the experience revealed the inner entrepreneur in me. I learnt to appreciate what I had and make it work for me, and that tough times are useful in bringing out the best in a person.
• Never give up on your faith. Never do that. Human that I am, I stopped believing in myself, in my abilities, and it nearly cost me something important. Whatever(and/or whoever) you believe in, don't stop believing just because things seem tougher than you expected. Keep your head up and your faith strong, you will get through a lot of things.
• Best of all, time management is very important. I used to be good at procrastinating and making plans without factoring time into those plans. Through this service year, especially during the first 3 weeks in camp, I learnt the importance of daily time management.

My service year helped me learn new things about myself and life and I won't trade it for anything. I hope you connected with, and learnt from, at least one of the lessons I learnt? Thanks for reading.
Have a great day.
With love,


- The Lady

“And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God, and into the patient waiting for Christ.”

2 Thessalonians 3:5

Renewing The Mind

Photo Credit: Author's

"By doing what has to be done to avoid past mistakes, you prepare yourself for the incredible future God has in store for you." - DeVon Franklin

Personal growth and development is not as easy or as difficult as some may think. It is one of those things that require a serious commitment on the part of the individual for it to have a fighting chance of working. Without committing to it, you will, at best, be stuck at the stage where you know that you need to make some changes but nothing is being done. Hence, the mind of an individual is very key to the success of his/her personal growth journey. This takes us to today's post. Let's jump right into it, shall we?

Renewing the mind is not as scary as it sounds but it is a very important process in any success story. For some, it may not require an extreme transformation or metamorphosis, and for some, it might. Different strokes for different folks. To renew here is used more in the context of replacing or replenishing something that has broken or been exhausted as opposed to making something new.

We are humans not machines. As much as we may want to be made 'new', except in the physical sense with the help of natural and surgical procedures, we can only make adjustments to give us the illusion of something 'new'. That said, renewing the mind, in the context of this post, implies a re-education, remoulding, or reconfiguration of the way the mind works so that our actions, or inactions, may produce our desired results.

Every of our actions and inactions begins from our minds, our subconscious if I may refer to it as that. Therefore, an understanding of how our minds work will make it easier for us to accept ourselves for who we are, and help us figure out how to progress as individuals. When I had to do this, I took some time for myself, about an hour before I went to bed each day, book and pen in hand. I wrote everything I did each day, separating the things I loved from those that got me sad and angry.

At the end of 2 weeks(that was the personal target I had set for myself), I had a better understanding of who I am, the things I love and hate, what makes me happy, sad, angry, hurt, etc, the things I had to continue doing and those I had to stop. It was a period of clarity that helped me figure out how different things and people affected my daily life, what I wanted to do with my life, those around me who were, or had the potential of, either pulling me down or lifting me up.

Saying that this was an amazing experience will be a gross misrepresentation of the facts(there I go sounding like a lawyer! *rolls eyes* Lol!). But it was a truly awesome experience. It was like I was getting to know this new person that had been living in my body. I began to see myself in a different light, with a renewed interest and extreme love and respect for myself. That was more than enough to make me get excited about life and being alive.

So?! What are you waiting for? Set a timed target for you to review all your thoughts, actions, and relationships with people, family members included. At the end of each day, write down in different sections the things and people you love, those that didn't cut it, the ways they affected you(sad, angry, happy, etc), those you should cut off and those that should definitely be continued with. Do it whichever way you want, but in a way that would help you figure out life easier.
Have fun getting to know the real you and renewing your mind. Can't wait to meet you!
Love...


- The Lady

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Romans 12:2

I Will Be Next To You

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"People can not change who you are and what you were born to be." - Iyanla Vanzant

Words cannot describe or express how much I appreciate your response to the last post. The feedback was humbling to say the least. I mean, I didn't know, and I still don't know, what kind of response I expected, but what I got was beyond my expectations. It literally blew my mind! Thank you a million times and more. You all are more than amazing!

I could not have prayed for a better audience. You all came on here to read the post, you commented on Google+, Facebook, and everywhere I could be reached. Some of you who know me personally even went as far as calling my phone to know how I was doing. I am beyond grateful for the love and support. Thank you very much!

While writing that post, my main intention was to share a part of me with you with the hope that I could help someone out there who was going through the same, if not a similar, thing as I was going through. To save someone from drowning in the endless cycle of pain and mistakes just as I did. I didn't consider how it would all happen, but I knew that telling my story was a start.

And what a great start it was! I not only connected with other people who were living through different types and levels of pain, but sharing my personal growth story gave me a type of peace that I've not had in a while. I don't know how to explain it but all your support gave me a boost to see life in a different, more attractive light.

You all did more for me than you know. Actually, you all did more for me than I set out to do for you.  And that has put me on my toes. That has motivated me to go all out to do more, and be more, for you. This is not just a statement, it's a commitment to be here for every single one of you. Just as that last post was written from a place of love, this commitment is made with love.

For every one of you who is going through a really painful time, I might not be able to take all that pain away at once or all together, but with your help, I will be here to go rid of, and through, it all  with you. For those whose skies are gray, we would paint it blue together. For those in tears, we would stop the tears together.

We would get through this journey of life and enjoy it. But we can only do that when we support and build each other up. And the best way to do this is together. With all of us, standing tall next to each other, helping each other write our individual personal growth stories, and helping each other make the necessary commitments to see those stories take shape.

There will be times when we won't understand what we are doing, or, we even forget why we are doing it. But if we do it together, it will all be easier to figure out. And at the end, we will all be thankful for this journey of life and the pain that brought us all together. But it can only happen if you let me in, and let me walk through this life next to you.
Do have yourself a great weekend!


- The Lady

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

Romans 15:13

My Personal Growth Story (Part 1)

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"I may not have the power to change what the media puts out there, or to single-handedly convince young girls like me that they should love themselves. But what I can do is start with me living each day. Embracing who I am." - Danielle Brooks

As the saying goes, 'things happen for a reason'. I am one of those who believe in that. And even more now that I see things differently than before. This is my personal growth story but I am, and my story is, still evolving. The perfectionist in me would love to wait until a 'perfect time', but, as part of my personal development plan is to see life as a circle of perfect timing, I will tell it anyway as there are people like me who could learn from it.

I have not always been this person who cares much about what happens to people that are not my family, friends, relatives, or myself. I believed that everyone had their own lives to live and did not need any help from anyone. I believed that life was a personal race, a sprint, and the best thing was to run your own race and leave others to theirs. Except THEY decide for it to be a relay race and hand the baton to me, I had no business being in their business.

That was until things changed for my family that 'nearly' destroyed life as I knew it. Certain people I regarded as more of family than relatives took it upon themselves to make decisions on behalf of my family that 'nearly' destroyed the reality my siblings and I had grown up in for their own reasons. I was way too young, but I had an elder's mind. Despite the maturity of my mind, I was weak. I started making making mistakes because of the anger, frustration, and disappointment I felt then. Mistakes that shaped me into who I now am.

I tried hiding all that negative energy when I was around people, especially my siblings, as I did not want to be the centre of a 'pity party'. But that was no good. I was smiling on the surface but  suffering inside. I was never really happy, always 2 seconds away from a sour mood. Years went by before I stopped letting my emotions loop me around a never ending roller coaster of pain, anger, frustration, sorrow, and mistakes.

After several 'failed' attempts to change the situation of things in my life, I finally made a decision to change my personal story and my life and I committed to that decision. At first, I forced myself to live life with a positive attitude, one day at a time. At some point, I realised that I had forgiven those relatives without any apology from them(not that I expected any), I had begun to really love myself and my life, and it was now normal for me. I had this burst of energy and hope everyday, all without faking it or forcing it.

I loved the results, but I loved the way I felt about life even more. I began to make better decisions. I took notes of almost anything that got into my head, I wrote down my dreams and expectations for my life, I even wrote detailed plans of how I wanted to achieve those dreams. I began investing in my faith, reading my Bible, attending fellowships, and praying. I did everything I could not to go back to being that weak, unhappy person again, for my sake, for my family, and for my unborn children.

Private person that I am, it's hard to believe that I am telling my account of the not-so-proud parts of my life. But if it will help people, even just one person, then I'll gladly do it over and over again. My name is Abiriba Racheal Nene, and I have been fighting to take back ownership of my life. Despite my mistakes and people's opinions of me, I am still living my life, loving my life, and growing into the strong woman I know I am inside.

I hope that this wakes you up to who you are, what powers live within you, and helps you focus on your purpose on this Earth regardless of the noise of other people who try to distract you from your path with their negativity. Don't get distracted, stay strong, and work hard to make yourself first, then others, proud to know you. It won't be easy, but the results are worth it!
Have a great day!

P/s: Thanks to you, the blog will be going through some upgrades. Most important of which is that posts will now consistently be up on Saturdays to better serve you. Thank you for being here!
Love...

- The Lady

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28 

Finance Strategising During A Recession In Nigeria

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"Focus is critical to your success, but sometimes, you have to force focus to be focused." - Lanre Olusola, The Catalyst

Firstly, I'd love to welcome you to the the new month. *It's September already. Yay!!* Secondly, it's official, we have slipped into an economic recession in Nigeria. Like things were not bad enough already. But this is not a 'woe-to-me' post. On the contrary, it is aimed at helping us get through these times, and save while at it.

I remember a friend telling me, sometime in December 2015, that it was unfortunate that I'd be serving my country(NYSC) during these financially troubled times. By then, we had not yet slipped into this recession in Nigeria. I decided to make the best of the year. And I'm glad to say that through this crazy economy, especially these past few months, I have 'adjusted' my spending and have turned that 'misfortune' to a testimony. Truly, it is the best thing I have done for my finances! What I did?

SHOP WITH A LIST
I used to be one of those who just walk into the supermarket and pick up anything I feel like. But recently, I started going grocery shopping with a list. It has helped me cut down on unnecessary shopping and helped me really watch what I eat health-wise.

TIME MY PURCHASES
Most stores put various items on sales at the end of the month. So, rather than buy the things I feel I need any time I feel like, I write them down and wait until the end of the month. Most of the things I have written down end up going on sale, and the waiting period helps me evaluate if I really need some of the things on the list. Those that I don't really need gets cut off. You see, a few Naira saved!

PACK MY LUNCH
Since I buy everything in bulk, I end up having so much food at home. And it doesn't make sense to me to buy lunch out when I can make it myself, and be sure of what I put in my body. So, while preparing your breakfast, you can prepare your lunch too and pack it up for the office. This can help you eat healthy too.

TRACK AND NEGOTIATE MY BILLS
Recurrent outflows like transportation, electricity, and waste bills are easily negotiable. And, if you have to port to a different service provider to save money then do. Others like phone bills, especially for those on prepaid plans can easily be cut. If you are one of those who use up to 10,000 Naira on voice/data plans, you might need to cut it a little. Especially if you only use it to chat with family and friends.*rolls eyes*

SHARE THE BILLS
Rather than taking a taxi alone and paying the full bill, why not share a ride with a co-worker who is going the same way with you? You'll pay half the bill and, if it's your thing, enjoy a conversation with the person.

JUST SAVE ALREADY!
No matter how much you earn, with a little management and planning, you can put away one-third or one-quarter of your salary, or whatever works for you, in a savings account. I just found this plan with my bank and its sister insurance company that allows you save a particular amount monthly for a period of time of your choice. During that time, you can only deposit and not withdraw from that account until the end of the agreed period. Of course I registered! *Wink*

Who says that you can't save through this period?! If you put your mind to it and follow these tips, I'm positive that you will see a difference in your savings and finances. Feel free to adjust any of the above tips to suit you, and share any tip(s) you've got in the comments section. Someone might need it.

Do have a great day!


- The Lady

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

Joshua 1:9

The Power Of The Gut:The Magic Within Us

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"I'm always asked, "Who's my most trusted advisor?" My answer - My gut." - The Rock

Personally, I don't believe in magic. But there's no better way to describe the root of today's post. Some call it 'Intuition', some call it 'Gut', some call it 'Instinct', but I call it 'Me'. Why? Because it's a part of me. It is part of my unique and distinct features. It is one of the things that make me who I am.

And the beauty is, we all have it. That part of us that advises us whether or not we want to listen, that speaks to us when we shut the world out. That part of us that understands our hunger for success, and wants it for us more than we want it for ourselves.

But the sad thing is, for different reasons, we hardly give it the chance to speak. Maybe because of a past mistake or miscalculation, because of fear of the result of listening to it, or because of the noise of the world telling us that we can't amount to much. For these and more, we silence or turn deaf to it.

But it's one of the most stubborn 'persons' I know. It never keeps quiet. It keeps talking, probing, trying to provoke us to get up and keep moving forward. Trying to make us achieve success and be all that we can be. Because it knows that our success is his/her success too, it doesn't give up on us.

Listen to your gut and block out the noise of the world. Trust your gut when it says that your can do better, be better, and amount to much more than we know and expect. It's not an easy thing to do as the world doesn't stop telling us that we could fail. But, if we can listen to our gut, we are sure to find success. It is always right, no matter how crazy it may sound sometimes.

Always remember, in moments of doubt, trust your gut. Some of the best advice you will ever get will come from your gut.
Have a great day!


- The Lady

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”

1 Peter 5:10

BROKEN COOKIES

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"The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Things like that don't happen to people like me."
Ever caught or heard yourself saying that? I have. A number of times. I have lost count of the number. But I can remember that those times, I was either trying to be funny, or I was being unnecessarily humble.*Yes, I have learnt to be brutally honest with myself!* But that is the most disgusting confession anyone can make about themselves. It displays your low self-esteem to the world, and the world responds by giving you crap.

I used to know this girl whose measurement of low self-esteem was below anything I have seen. Hers was as a result of a terribly abusive relationship. It was so bad, she never hung out with friends because she had come to believe that she was not pretty enough to be part of a group of friends, nor was she 'cool' enough to hangout with people.

If you even compliment her on what she wore, she would say something like "Oh. It's just a cheap and old thing." I remember thinking "Something is wrong with this girl" whenever I saw her. Thinking of her now, I wish I had spoken some atom of self-esteem into her, or probably just shook some sense into her. I don't think I ever saw her happy. The thought of it all is just sad.

Low self-esteem has dealt a number on some people that many can not ever recover from. It affects EVERY area of its victims' lives. Their careers, relationships, and general every day lives. It holds people back from going for what they want and deserve.

It and its cousin Mr. Doubt. They are an awful bunch. Like parasites, they feed on every joy and happiness, whether past, present, or future, in the victim's life until the person is empty of everything except existence.

When a victim of low self-esteem gets a great opportunity staring her in the eyes, she ignores it because she has grown to believe that she does not deserve such good thing. She lets go of things that she wants and needs because she doesn't believe that it is for her.

That's the principle of the broken cookies. Some people have become so messed up by low self-esteem and its accompanying cousin, Mr. Doubt, that they now believe that they can achieve nothing. Even things as little as having fun and being happy seem like abominations to them.

If you ever feel this way, know that you are not alone in this. There are a lot of people going through the same thing. But you need to overcome it. You need to remind yourself daily that you deserve the full, unbroken cookies just like every other person. Build yourself and your confidence.

Go on and go after what you really want, need, and deserve.
Hope you are having a great week?


- The Lady

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”

Galatians 5:1

WHAT ARE THEY REALLY ENFORCING?

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"We must hold law enforcement accountable for unjust, incompetent, or intentionally malicious use of deadly force, making it clear that they are not above the law they are sworn to enforce, nor are they allowed to selectively honor their duty to serve, protect, and preserve life." - Earl Graves Snr

Weekly, if not daily, we get reports on different social media platforms of one form of Police brutality or the other. Some of which have been considered as 'minor', but the bulk of which led to deaths. The last of which are those of Alton Sterling a few days ago.

Like that wasn't enough, I just saw a video of a young man, Philando Castile, who did not look like he was up to his 30s, shot in his arm as he tried to get his I.D as the Police Officer had asked him to provide it. His girlfriend who was beside him in the car was videotaping everything as they waited for Police and Medical 'backup'. The last thing I heard before I cut the video was the girl's voice saying "Oh my God, please don't tell me he's dead. Please don't tell me my boyfriend just went like that!"

Why do things like these have to happen? Especially with the Police as the perpetrators of these deaths. Why do they have to be so trigger-happy? A record of about 144 deaths in the US alone as a result of Police brutality, and we only just begun the 7th month of the year!

Now, let me give an answer before anybody asks me "How e take consain you? Na 'jand' you dey?"("How does it concern you? You are not even in the US, are you?") It concerns me. Actually, it concerns everyone of us. For one, we are all human beings. But if you don't understand that answer, then please refer to my last post on Humanity.

Truth be told, the US is not the only place where there are cases of Police brutality. We have had cases of same in Nigeria, and many have led to loss of lives. And the excuses for such cases have ranged from tiredness and drunkenness, to (their favourite) accidental discharge.

These arms they use were given to them to use with 'extreme caution', and any force exerted by a Police Officer on a civilian should be 'reasonable force'. Now, those words, 'extreme caution' and 'reasonable force' are subjective as each individual situation will determine the interpretation of those words. But in most of the cases of Police brutality, especially those that led to the death of civilians, whether or not in Nigeria, the 'test of a reasonable man' in such situations hardly ever fell in favour of the Police Officer.

They, the Police Officers, that were given all that power to enforce justice and protect the rights of the citizens, have become the very ones who enforce injustice and flaunt the rights of the citizens they have sworn to protect. It's really sad and painful. "Who then will protect us on the streets before we get to the Courtrooms?" I hear someone ask. We will. We are the people. And we have the power.

To Philando Castile, Alton Sterling, and every other person all around the world whose lives have been lost, or have been victims of Police brutality in one way or another. To their families, friends, and loved ones, and to every other person in the world still alive. It's our right to be alive, do what is right and stay out of trouble to the best of your ability.
With Love...


- The Lady

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Romans 8:18

HUMANTY

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"Don't let the outside world dictate what you should do." - Jules Marcoux

We are the reasons for some of our 'problems'. Every 'smart' one of us. We put ourselves in situations that, most times, require us to be just human and simple. But we complicate things by trying to play by rules of stereotypes, racism, tribalism, and all those other '-isms' that we complicate our lives with. 

We are all similar if not the same. Every one of us humans. Black or white, fat or thin, Igbo or Yoruba. Our age, size, or nationality does not make us different in anyway. The only thing that we can call 'different' about each of us is our beauty and grace that is unique to each of us.

The problem is that we love the easy route to any destination. If we don't understand the next person, we chalk it up to them being different because of their tribe, race, skin, financial or social status in the society. Forgetting the basic thing: our similarity as humans.

Personally, I believe that the root of most, if not all, of our biggest problems in life is our fear of being in touch with our 'humanity'. The core of us being human. And that fear is well grounded because, in comparison with the way of life of the world around us, our humanity can make us seem, and feel, vulnerable. And vulnerability is a risk many are not willing to take.

But, to simplify our lives, we need to re-learn the essence of being alive. Like little children. We need to be able to be honest with ourselves about how we feel, what matters in life, and try to understand others and how they feel too.

Understanding. That's what it all boils down to. Not our selfish interests, or the thrill of winning above every other person. But understanding ourselves and understanding the next person. Understanding that the power to shape your life is in your hands and not in control of some evil person.

It is easier to blame others than to own up to the role(s) we played in the situation. But we need to recognize that other people are not always the problem. We are sometimes the problem. We can only see this if we are honest with ourselves.

Life is beautiful when we see ourselves for who we are, with all of our beauty and flaws. Rather than complicating life with all the unnecessaries, we ought rather to look inside us, find our inner beauty and our individual uniqueness. No psychic or fairy godmother can do this for us but us. 

It is not going to be easy. But boy...is it worth it!

Have a great new month!

- The Lady

“No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.”

John 10:18

WHEN YOU CAN'T BE STRONG FOR YOU

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"That which cannot kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzsche

My blogging/writing game has been 'off' lately. I apologize. The simple reason for that is that life happened. I had some personal things to deal with and I wouldn't have been able to write as best as I can while dealing with those personal things. Now that it's better, I'm able to see things differently.

I have never been one to run to others in tears when I'm faced with things that seem too much for me to handle. I have always been the strong one. Big sister, mother hen, peacemaker, friend, etc, are some names I have been called at one point or the other.

I had always been the one that others ran to and shared their problems with. They knew that my shoulders would always be there for them to cry on and lean on. They could vent their anger, emotions, and frustrations, and be assured that I will not judge them or tell their secrets.

I was that lady. I believe that I still am her. I always have a kind word for everyone, big or small, irrespective of their age or the issues poured out to me. That was why I was shocked when I was faced with my own issues and I couldn't find the right words to say to myself, or, how to get me to feel better.

That expression, "Ill Doctors need other Doctors" is true though. I, who always had some form of advice or solution for others, was at loss when it got to my turn to be strong for myself. I guess it was life's way of telling me that I may be as strong as I can be, but that I still need others at some point.

And boy did I get the message! Grudgingly at first, but I did. With the help of friends, family, someone whom I have grown to recognize as a mentor, and best of all, God. Their words sounded odd at first as I used to be the one saying those words to others. But, by the time I had relaxed, it all started making sense to me as the recipient of the words, and not as the giver.

This experience taught me that, sometimes, I need to take a step back and give others the opportunity to be there for me. It may be a chance for me to see things, and people, in a perspective that is different from what I had of them. It was HARD for me, but the result is worth it.

One thing that helped me through it was the fact that I didn't lose my attitude of gratitude. I kept being grateful for going through it all. It helped me learn more about myself, others, and life in general.

As you live daily, embrace the times when you are strong for yourself and for others. You don't know how valuable that strength is.

- The Lady

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.”

Psalms 121:1-3