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She never fits in. Never has. She always felt left out, like she was different. Like she was odd and dirty. She doesn't need to be told. She knew. Something is wrong with her. Or else, all these things would not be happening to her. But she has tried to fit in, she had gone to school, got her degrees, got a great job she would have loved if she had had that ability. She has always been the good child, respectful to everyone, hardworking at home and work, even sweet to children wherever she saw them. Those poor little things. Hmmm, they don't know the evil world that they have been born into. Some people that she had spoken with, on those rare occasions where she had tried to act like others and socialise, had given different reasons why life was good, but she knows otherwise. She had lived it. Still lives it.
"Tonye!", she heard. She jerked at the sound of her name and saw the source of the sound. He was tall and looked familiar, but she couldn't remember where she had seen him. Oh no! He was walking towards her. But it didn't seem like he was actually moving, he was getting closer, with strides that looked effortless. He is handsome, she thought. But he is a man and that's not a good thing, she reminded herself. "Hello Tonye", he said from beside her. She faced him and met smooth ebony skin, chestnut brown eyes, eyes that were smiling at her, and the whitest teeth she had seen. His right hand was held out for a handshake. She took it. Hmm, the handshake was formal and firm but he had soft hands. He's definitely rich and pampered, she thought. A whiff of his cologne and a quick assessment of his clothes, all done in 2 seconds, and she concluded. He was definitely a playboy. A rich and pampered playboy. Ha! The devil is back in human form, she thought. His plans will not work.
His lips were moving but she heard nothing as the voices in her head were louder. He was probably lying. That's their way, all these 'yeye' men that the devil has filled the world with. "...but when I got there, they said you had moved", she heard him say. "Umm, got where?", she inquired. He chuckled. "Were you even listening to me all these time?", he asked. "I was saying that I had a crush on you back at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, but you never had my time. And when I had got the courage to talk to you", he continued, "that is after I had stalked you, I found out that you had moved from the house you were staying at. I am Emeka Nnaji by the way. I apologise for my manners." Oh! Bad. Emeka! Definitely an Igbo playboy. She had to run...fast! "Oh, Mr. Nnaji. It's so nice to meet you", she said as she picked up her precious Givenchy Antigona bag and laptop purse, "but I was waiting here for the traffic to ease up so that I could leave. I have somewhere important to...". "Oh no!", he said, cutting her escape speech short, "you are going to have an important dinner with me. I have prayed for the past ten years to see you again and you want to just go like that. Not fair. I have had a bad day and was on my way to the church when I saw your face. Please, come in to church with me and we can go catch dinner later. Please say yes."
She was confused. What's going on? Before she could reply her own question or his, he had taken her by the hand, collected her bag and laptop, and was walking her to the church. The service was awesome as always. She was a Christian too, and loved church, but she has never let herself feel all that people said that they felt. She has let go of trying to feel all that. But she couldn't let go of the image of the 6'2 Emeka crying during worship. He didn't even look at her once. It was as though he was alone there. How can a person be this true in Christianity and be a playboy at the same time. This is all so confusing. Why is life hard? She needs to get over this meeting, get home, and end the day.
But Emeka had other plans. They did have that dinner, great food at the Signature, great conversation too. He was intelligent, funny and a great listener. It was very easy to talk to him. Dinner was not the end of the night though. They had exchanged numbers, so they talked through the night, and at different times the next day. A couple of lunch and dinner dates later, Emeka asked her to be his girlfriend. Truth is, she had started liking him, but she was too broken to be in a relationship with him. He was sweet, and caring, and everything she never knew she needed. But she had a past. And experience has taught her that once her past comes to light, even the sweetest man can not handle it. It changes him and changes the relationship.
She could not do that to Emeka. She had to tell him before they began anything. But how? She knew not. She had become accustomed to his voice, the fragrance of his cologne, the surprises and impromptu visits and dates. She could not lose that now. Just one week then she would tell him, she decided. She knew that she was being selfish but this was the first time she was having fun, being free to be herself in her life. With someone who liked her for her. Heck! They celebrated three months of meeting 3 days ago and he was yet to kiss her goodnight. She needs this, if only for one week. She had to do this for the memories.
On one of their dinner dates, he was emotional over the death of one of his friends and while comforting him, she nearly spilled. One week had turned into three weeks and she was yet to tell him her secret or give him a reply to his relationship proposal. One more week she decided. She had left her car at his house on the day his friend had died as she thought he was not in a good shape to drive himself so they had gone on their dinner date in his car. After the dinner, she had called a taxi to take him home while she drove his car home. She had come back to drop his car and pick hers up. She rang the doorbell. Emeka answered the door. His eyes were red and puffy. He must have been crying. Poor baby! She gave him a hug, snatched her keys off the table and was turning to leave when she saw the face. She froze.She has never forgotten that face. Oh God! She blacked out.
- The Lady
“Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly.”
Psalms 3:7
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