THE LADY'S DIARIES(JANUARY ROUNDUP): JOYFUL JANUARY

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31st of January! 🎶Yeessss🎶

I hope I'm not the only one excited that the first month of the year is officially ending in a couple of hours? It has been one whirlwind of a month, but I won't do anything different. Umm...maybe a few details on eating healthy and exercising, but nothing more.
We began the month, and indeed the year, optimistic and excited about our plans and expectations. We were all full of dreams. But for one reason or the other, some gave up before they began, while some endured through it. Some had nothing going for them while some had a lot going on that they could hardly keep up.
Whatever group we fall in, let's remember to stay focused as we still have life, therefore time, to do what we dream of and want to do. The journey has just begun. Don't lose faith. No matter how challenging it gets, and we know that there will be challenges, let us be ready to be strong, hold our strength up, and keep putting one foot before the other. There is light at the end of the tunnel. For if when we were not conscious of the power we had, we were getting little things done, how much more now that we know of the existence of that power within us. Can you imagine the greatness you are yet to unleash? Can you now understand the reason why I am excited about the month of January coming to an end?
So please be ready. Double that energy you had at the beginning of the year. You know, that one that kept you excited about your New Year resolutions? Yes! Stay focused on your plans. Do the necessary research, gather the necessary knowledge and resources, and keep moving. Some persons or situations may try to weigh us down. But remember to motivate yourself, and never doubt your strength.
Have a great Sunday!


- The Lady 

“O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭8:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

FEEDING THE HUNGER

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"Every time you want to elevate...and reach your peak, all you need to do is think of that thing you have achieved that is awesome, or focus on something you are about to achieve." - Tim Denning

Hello!!
I know it's a Saturday and most of us have plans to relax this weekend but I hope you would read this and think on it a little when you can.
Ever experienced that kind of hunger that feels so bad, you could hardly concentrate on whatever you were doing at that point? That makes you just want to take a break and go get food to eat? That paralyzing feeling you get when you are not satisfied with what you are doing or the state you are in? That feeling that you could do better and actually want to get up and do better?
That kind of hunger, whether for food, love, success, etc feels almost the same way. But we are not going to be talking about the hunger for food because eating can handle that. We are interested in that kind of hunger that eating food cannot satisfy. That hunger that makes you uncomfortable to be at the same place you are and makes you want to just get up and do something about it. That hunger...that feeling that tries to bring out the best in you. That is the one we are interested in.
I met someone at a seminar for young professionals sometime last year, and while we talked, I found out that he had gone through a lot of hardship in the past but had succeeded through it all. He had seen himself through school and had just set up a business. Stories such as this impress and motivate me and I wanted to know how he persevered through it all. He showed me a picture of a shack, made of wood, sitting on dirty water that looked like it was stagnant, 3 children were standing beside each other at what may have been the door to the shack, putting on clothes that at best were rags, and were smiling like they had no care in the world. He pointed at the tallest amongst the children and said that that was him at age 14 when his father had died. He had attended government schools as tuition in Lagos State Government schools was free. He had sold everything that could be sold to make money for his University education. And that whenever he had felt like quitting, that picture had been the reason why he did not.

As humans that we are, life deals us some tough situations and we have to find a way to deal with those situations. Some people give up when faced with tough situations or decisions, while some continue regardless, finding ways to get through whatever they may be faced with. It is not the situations that make us who we are, it is the way we handle those situations that matter. We all have things we long for, hunger for. But many don't achieve those things because they don't feed that hunger, they do nothing about it. They just leave it, hoping that, somehow, their desires will be achieved without lots of struggles or hardwork. Some try to do something about it but don't have the will or determination to do what needs to be done to achieve their goals, fulfill their desires.
Regret is a tough thing to live with. If you have something(s) you hunger for, having a pictorial image of it will help feed that hunger, push you, motivate you, until you have achieved what you want to achieve. It may be a photo in your head, a physical photo, or a vision board. Whatever it is. Keep feeding that hunger and working towards achieving what you want to achieve. Sky is within reach.
Have a great weekend!!


- The Lady

“Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.”

Genesis 13:17

LIFESTYLE: HONESTY

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"Be honest to yourself about what's really important to you in your life. You may find that it is already much closer than you think." - Ruben Chavez

The morning assembly at my Primary School was like a mini lecture. Whether or not we were ready to learn, we were made ready. It was a spark that prepared us for the day ahead. And the then Head Mistress was always teaching one thing or the other during the assembly, most of which we, the students, had forgotten before the first break period. Either she did not know that, or she just continued regardless.
The first time I heard 'Honesty is the best policy' was in Primary School, during the morning assembly. And the only explanation I understood was that I should always tell the truth. I thought it was only about telling the truth to people so as a child, I tried my best to be truthful to people. I think that was the same thing my sister understood too as she took truth-telling to a whole new level. She said whatever was on her mind, and had to be stopped sometimes when she started talking.
Personally, I was not a chatty person as a child so I was rarely asked questions, both at home and at school. But I knew to tell the truth whenever I was asked a question. And as I grew older, I began to face situations that required me to talk to myself, to evaluate my thoughts and actions. I began to see and learn that the truth is not just for others, it is for me too. But that realization did not make it easier for me to be truthful with myself. On the contrary, I faced challenges that I had to deal with.
A friend once said that saying the truth is not as hard as being truthful. There is so much truth in that. It is easy to say the truth about an issue than being truthful about every area of your life to not just others, by yourself. This is what a lifestyle of honesty is. It takes a lot of courage to begin living that way. But once begun, life becomes less stressful. Living a life of honesty simplifies decision-making as you know the truth, can easily ascertain what is important and needs to be focused on, how you feel about things, and the things that are just a waste of time.
But we sometimes let the romantic images, imaginations, or illusions of a situation cloud the truth, making it hard for us to be honest with ourselves and to make certain decisions. This has led people to make certain decisions that turned out terrible, while some have chased dreams that were utopian at best. Some have, relying on those imaginations, gone after things that they thought mattered without realizing that what really mattered had been before them all along.
Living honestly, truthfully requires a lot of devotion and understanding of what is important and what is not. This is the reason why some people create problems that were not there, chase after realities that are a waste of time or not for them. Even in career life and business, some people have gone after things they did not need, or set goals that they were not ready for, because they did not take the time to be honest with themselves.
It is necessary to be honest with ourselves about what is important to us so that we don't get pushed around to do things that are only important for others. Periodic evaluation of what is truly important to you can go a long way to helping you live a better, successful, and productive life. It might take just seconds or minutes of your time daily, an hour a week, or whatever works for you. But being honest with yourself about where you are in life, what you want for yourself and those around you in the future can help you focus on what matters and eliminate the unnecessaries.
Live honestly with yourself...simplify your life.
Have a great Friday!


- The Lady

“And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.”

Ephesians 3:19

SWIFT (2)

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He can't remember how, when, or why they started fighting. But they sure did. A lot! They hardly saw each other outside of school anymore as she had made friends and was always hanging out with them or going to parties. He wanted to spend more time with her, but she wanted to go out more. He decided to go out with her to the parties. And though she told him not to, he went with her anyway. He had to prove to her that he was not the 'mama's boy' she had called him during one of their fights. He did not know what to expect, but he was ready to do anything to keep her to himself.

He had never been to grown-up's parties so he never expected what he saw. There were no cakes and soft drinks, no parental presence or chaperones. The locations of the parties were premium, the drinks were alcoholic, the boys were young and rich, and the girls were pretty and scantily dressed. They went to all the parties she wanted. The parties were wild. The next one wilder than the last. He grew to like them. He adjusted to the kind of people Ameerah hung out with and the friends she made. She introduced him to the rich boys too. He adjusted to the taste of alcohol, then cigarettes, then marijuana, then harder drugs. He also had to change his car and wardrobe to adjust to the standards of the clique he now rolled with. He and Ameerah became closer through it all. Their bond was stronger. But his allowance was hardly enough to take care their expenses.

He began telling lies to his parents to get money. When that was not enough, he began stealing from them. But the money was never enough. There were more parties to attend, new outfits needed for those parties, and they had to get their own alcoholic beverages which must not be the cheap stuff. He had to speak to Joey, one of the boys in his clique, whose money never seemed to run out, on how he got money. After much pleading by both Tega and Ameerah, Joey introduced Tega to the 'Realz', a group of rich boys who traveled to other countries for business when actually, they were trafficking drugs.
Tega joined them, and by his third year in school, Tega had made about Twenty Million Naira from drug trafficking. He was a 'big boy' in school. He threw the coolest and wildest parties in Lagos and drove the latest cars. He only wore designer outfits and ate at the choicest restaurants. He got an apartment on the Island from which he went to school when he felt like. He continued his relationship with Ameerah but began seeing other rich girls on the side.

Even in his final year in the University, he kept working with the Realz. His mother, who had noticed his wayward ways, had tried all she could to make him better. All to no avail. His father, a famous politician, even threatened to disown him if he did not change, but he told his father to do what pleased him. Ameerah, though she loved the money and expensive gifts, hated his constant traveling and spoke to him to stop traveling as he had made enough for them to live on and do business with if they wanted. He did not listen to her either. He was caught up in the fast life and he loved it. 
On one of his 'business trips', officials of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency(NDLEA) caught him at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Ikeja on his way to a foreign country with 60 kilograms of Cocaine. He was arrested and he subsequently stood trial for drug trafficking and other related offenses. He was found guilty and was sentenced to sixteen years in prison. His father never went to Court before his sentencing and never visited him in prison. His mother visited him twice. Ameerah, upon graduation from the University, got a job and got married. Five years into his term, he was found dead in his cell.  He had slit his wrists and bled to death.


- The Lady 

"But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)”

Ephesians 2:4-5

SWIFT (1)

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He was finally leaving home! No one was happier than him. He was so excited, he could hardly wait. As the only child of his parents, Tega has always lived a sheltered life. Private schools, home tutors, and family vacations were the way he spent his life. His mother never lets him leave her side, even in church. The only time he was out of the house alone was the day of his UTME examinations, and that was because the examination officials did not allow his mother go into the school premises with him.  That was where he had met her. . 

She was his seat mate and the most beautiful girl he had seen. But he was too shy to talk to her. She had spoken to him first and though he was there for an examination, those were the most enjoyable four hours of his life to that point. They had exchanged phone numbers and he had spoken with her everyday but that was not enough. He had wanted to meet her again. But he was hardly let to go out so that was impossible. She had told him to be a man, grow up, and go out, even if it meant taking a taxi to Gwagwalada, where she lives. But he hardly knew his way around Maitama, which was where he lives, except from the supermarket down the road to his house. During one of their phone conversations, he decided that he would do all he could to see her. 

He did everything, even changed his university of choice to the one she chose just to keep being with her. And now all that had worked. His parents were disappointed that he wouldn't be schooling in Abuja, but his admission into a University in Lagos State was, to them, not so bad. "At least, Lagos has an Airport", his mother had said. She promised to visit him often so that he won't 'feel like he was away from home'. She never knew how bad he wanted to run away. 

True to her words, his mother came visiting him in Lagos. She rented and furnished an apartment for him as she did not 'want the bad boys in school to corrupt or distract' him. He was fine with that. As long as she did not stay over or find out about Ameerah. His Ameerah. He was finally free to see her whenever he wanted. Although they were not in the same department, she was studying Accounting while he was studying Petrochemical Engineering, they went everywhere in school together. And after a few months, they became known as a 'couple'. He visited her at her department and she visited him at home. She spent some nights at his place sometimes. 

And on the night that he had made her his own, he fell deeper in love with her. They had been each other's firsts but that didn't bother him. He did everything she wanted and she didn't want much...at first. Just to walk her to her hostel, or get her dinner on nights when she was too tired to go have dinner with him. They continued dating. And as time went by, she kept wanting more. To go shopping or partying with friends. The things she wanted kept getting serious and crazier to him. He began hearing stories about her, but he never took them serious. She was his light, she could do no wrong. They grew together, but he knew that she was growing faster than him. Her life changed , and he wanted to change with her. His first and only love.

- The Lady 

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.”

1 Peter 5:8-9

LIFE NUGGET: DILIGENCE

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"Gardens are not made by singing "Oh, how beautiful!" and sitting in a shade." - Rudyard Kipling

Going through life, we hear a lot of stories about people and what they have accomplished. We also hear stories of the efforts some people put into something and never saw it through to the end. If we really look around, we would see projects that were begun but were never completed, especially houses, academic pursuits, etc. 

Although many blame their failure to continue with their plans on finances and other people, the number one reason why people give up easily is lack of interest in the process that leads to their goal. Some people don't think their plans through before they begin, they don't calculate and plan for what it would take for them to get to the point they desire. They just jump right into it. And when the pressure becomes a lot for them to handle, their level of dedication to the plan reduces or they totally give up on the plan. 

One thing that definitely leads to success is diligence. A person who constantly puts in effort to accomplish something, who is attentive and persistent in his pursuit of a set goal will definitely achieve what he has set his mind to. It's the way the world works. Cause and effect. You pursue success, you get success. 

There are definitely obstacles and hindrances on the path to success, but a person diligent in his work and effort will have little time to consider such hindrances and obstacles as he is focused on his goal. He can hardly be distracted from the goal by the pressure of the work he has to do to get to his goal. 

Diligence goes a long way. It can help console and uplift the spirit of a person who is almost ready to give up. Be diligent in all you do and set your mind to. Be dedicated, love what you do, and never lose sight of your goal. Your reward, which is success in your goal, will not seem, or be so far anymore. 

With love...

- The Lady 

“And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ.”

Acts 5:42

MOTIVATION MONDAY: GET STARTED

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"You can't be afraid to fail because that's when you learn." - Micheal Dell

It takes a lot to get things done. Dedication, motivation, strength, opportunities, etc. But the seed that begins anything is an idea, a vision, a dream. Without which, any effort will be in vain. To begin any journey, the traveler must have a destination or else, he will be at the mercy of the wind.
An idea will always be an idea until something is done about it. Many great inventions began from an idea. And not just because the inventor had that idea, but because he or she did what was necessary to bring that invention to reality. Henry Ford, Micheal Dell, Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and the list goes on; they all had ideas, visions of what they wanted to achieve. But they did not stop at having the idea. They went on to do something about the idea. Something to bring those ideas to life. And they did not get it right immediately. They failed at something, at some point in the process of giving life to the ideas they had. But the failures never stopped them. Infact, we know of them now because they were not fazed by their failures. Rather, they learnt from the failures and obstacles they faced on their way to giving life to their ideas.

Failure is hard. True. But getting over failure is fulfilling. Sometimes, failure is good. Because they keep us on our feet, teach us, open our eyes to new or different ways of approaching issues. Some people never begin anything they plan to or have a vision to accomplish for fear of failure. They believe that they can't do it, or that their visions are too big to be achievable, or that people will think that they are crazy. But the crazy one is actually the person who conceives an idea and does nothing to give life to that idea. Some wait for the 'perfect' time for them to begin, forgetting that there is no better time to begin a thing than the present. Just begin already.
So, as we begin this new week, please do well to begin the process of giving life to whatever vision you have. You are not just doing it for yourself, you don't know who your vision may help. Or who may learn from the courage it took you to begin working on that vision. Begin, do it afraid, stay on it, be open to learn through it all, and never give up on your vision.

Have a successful week!


- The Lady

“Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.”

Matthew 5:14

THE LADY'S DIARIES: WHAT MATTERS MOST

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"Good humour is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment." - Grenville Kleiser.

Have you ever just stayed and felt lost in yourself and your surroundings? Like you're on slow motion while everything around you is going super fast? Well, that was me this week. This has been one of those weeks where it seemed like everything was going wrong. The energy was negative, I was slow at everything, and by Wednesday, I could hardly wait for the week to come to an end. I had to find a way to inject some positivity into the week and cope if not make it better. I did the one thing I knew how to; I concentrated on the things that matter most to me at this point in my life.
First of which was my family and friends. Since I'm living away from home at the moment, I had to call my family. Talking with each of them about anything and everything helped in no little way. I was able to concentrate on the things that were going on in their lives, thereby forgetting mine for a while. It was an escape that was worth it. I also spoke with friends and was lucky to have my best friend come into town this week. Catching up with her was awesome! Lots of laughter and gossip. If not for the crazy week I was having, her presence would have been more fun than it was.
After I had handled my family and friends, I took some time for myself. I focused on my personal needs and expectations, my relationship with people in my life, and went back to my favourite book(The Holy Bible) for help and motivation. I figured that soul-searching was necessary as there was no way I would be feeling this way and a part of me, no matter how tiny, would not have a clue of what the problem was. I removed every thought of external pressures and expectations from me and focused on what was important to ME. Since, at the end of the day, it is me who would have to deal with whatever was the problem. I had to do a mini evaluation of where I was in life and my expectations. And best of all, I tried to laugh as much as I could considering the way I was feeling.
I don't know if I handled it well, but I did feel better after that. It's not an easy thing trying to get through this kind of dark time, but remembering that YOU are important and have to get through that rut for YOUR own sake is the most important thing. Sometimes, these sad moments are necessary as they help you appreciate those happy moments you might have taken for granted.
Learn to adjust, but never take your happiness or priorities for granted. Be in charge of your life no matter how low you are feeling. Have a great week!


- The Lady

“And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:13

WHO HAS GOT YOUR EARS?

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"You will miss God's best for your life if you listen to your fears and not God." - Rick Warren

Ever heard the saying 'You are what goes into you'? Most people refer to it when talking about eating and dieting. But it goes deeper than that. You are the air you breathe as inhaling poisonous substances can cause serious damage to a person as against inhaling fresh air. You are what you eat as the more crap you eat, the crappier your health will be and your skin will look. This same principle applies to what you see, what you feel, and what you hear.
Some may argue that what one sees has more influence on the person's life. But what one hears is actually the strongest influence on one's life. Consider a person who, all his life, was told that he would amount to nothing. He would grow up believing that to be the truth as those words have sunk in to his subconscious. But the minute he begins to hear otherwise, and listen to himself speak success into his life, a change begins.
As human beings, we generally listen to ourselves most times, and those thoughts affects us, sometimes without our knowledge. We begin to act according to our thoughts, speak and see things according to the way we think. Our thoughts even has power over the way we feel. In no little way, what we listen to affects our lives. I know that when I feel low, a change in what I listen to, be it music or those around, helps change my mood and lifts my spirit.

All these opens us up to a vulnerability inherent in our being human. We are most affected by what we listen to as words have a very potent power over us. Knowing this, some factors have bested the act of using us to fight against ourselves. The biggest of those factors is fear. We listen to stories of other people's lives and experiences and become scared for our future. We listen to our hearts when we are scared of beginning or continuing on a path to greatness and start doubting ourselves and our abilities. We let fear take root in our lives because we gave it our time and ears. Some of the negativity and fears we listen to comes from those we let around us. They let these negativity rule them and expect everyone to do same.
But one way to keep your ears safe, thereby keeping your life safe, is giving your ears to things or people that will uplift you on a daily. The Bible and music are my favourites when I notice that I have begun giving in to negative energy and fears. But recently, I have included listening to motivational speakers and pastors. I can not over-emphasise the importance of listening to positive messages, comments, and nipping any stubborn fear or negativity in the bud. You get this surge of energy and strength knowing that you can do whatever you set your heart to, and have a world of possibilities before you.
Listening to the things and people that uplifts you is not just a good thing, it is the beginning of greatness and possibilities. Give your ears to positivity!


- The Lady

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.”

Romans 8:14-15

LIFESTYLE: LIBERTY

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"But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint. - Edmund Burke.

I had all these thoughts in my head before I went to bed yesterday. I had a big decision to make but was too worried to make any headway from my thoughts. I finally got to relax and asked myself, 'Why have I not decided on what to do?', and 'What was making it difficult for me to make this decision?'. These questions helped me focus my attention on what was really the problem, and that helped me decide. The problem was my 'Liberty'. 

In the ordinary sense, some people define 'Liberty' to be from external rule(independence), freedom from captivity(confinement), or just freedom as it relates to our fundamental human rights. But it goes way beyond that. We, as human beings, live in a world where everything we do affects other people. And even the littlest of things like deciding whether or not to turn off your phone before bed could affect someone. Someone might need your help in one way or another and decide to contact you. If your phone is on, you could wake up and help the person. And if not, the person has to look for another way to find help. Your liberty to do what you want may be affected by what others want.  And that was what was holding me back from making a decision yesterday. 

For the sake of peace, stability, and sanity, we ought to create a balance, know when to be selfish and when to be selfless. A great number of our problems began when someone decided not to consider how their decision would affect others. If we learn to take that into consideration, our decision-making process would be more focused. I'm not saying that all of our decisions should be what will please others, that is almost impossible, and will lead to an unhappy life for the decision maker. But some decisions, especially those that will affect others greatly, should be made with others in mind during the decision-making process.
The 'others' to consider might not necessarily be the whole world; it may be your siblings, friends, immediate family, neighbours, colleagues at school or work, or even your boss. It maybe people you don't know at the cinema, or church, or at the bus station. Every little detail counts in making decisions. That's the difference between a good decision and a great decision. We aim to live exemplary lives. So let's start small. You don't know who's watching. You have the freedom to be and do what you want, but considering others, although it may limit that freedom, it could be the 'plus' in our lives. 

That little consideration could go a long way, not just in making better persons of us, but, in the long-run, in making the world a better place. 

- The Lady 

“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.”

Galatians 5:13

FLAMES AND DUSTS (2)

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Ohh!.. What's that noise. The sound was annoying. Like an alarm clock. She doesn't use alarm clocks. "Ohh...turn it off, she murmured, turn that sound off." She tried to sit up, reaching for the clock. She felt a hand touch her. She jerked and opened her eyes at the same time. She immediately had a dizzy spell and felt a sharp pain in the head. "Oh!", she whimpered and fell back on the bed. That hurt. "Stay still love, stay still", came Emeka's voice. "What happened? Where am I? What's that noise? I don't feel good.", Tonye asked. "Shhh...relax. You are in a hospital. You picked your keys from the table and then you fainted. You hit your head on the floor, hard. I was so terrified, I had to bring you to the hospital.", Emeka replied. He helped her sit up, drink some water, then held her hands. They had held hands for a while when a knock came on the door. The minute he walked in, she stiffened. Emeka noticed it as her grip of his hand became stronger. "Drop the things on that table and leave us Jim. Thank you.", Emeka said to the man who walked in. Tonye was shaking as the man, Jim, got closer to the table beside her. By the time he was at the table, she had goosebumps all over her body, her eyes were shut, and tears were streaming down her face. "Jim, please leave us.", Emeka demanded.

The silence after Jim had left was so loud, Tonye could hear the wheels in Emeka's head spinning. She can't do this anymore. It has got to stop. "What's happening Tonye?", Emeka inquired. She opened her eyes. "Are you I'll? Is there something you want to tell me? I know you don't know Jim as lived in Edo State and has only got back from the USA.",  Emeka asked. Where will she start from? "It was my first year in school, back in Benin", Tonye began, "and I had gone out with a group of friends to have a few drinks. We were joined by some guys who met us at the bar. We all had a couple bottles of drinks. We must have had too much to drink as a fight broke out and we were all moved out of the bar. Unbothered about that, we went to a different club. Two of my friends had hooked up with two of the guys so we practically partied together that night. At about 2am, I had begun feeling tipsy so I stopped drinking. Sometime later, we left. One of the guys had a house close to the club we were at. So we went to the house to sleep. At the house, I asked one of the guys to help me with water. I took the water he brought to me, and went into the room I was meant to sleep in. I remember feeling weak suddenly and I fell. I knew what was happening around me, but I could not move. I saw when the guy that had given me water came into the room, picked me from the floor, put me on the bed, went back to lock the door, and came back into the room. I tried to talk but no words came out. He took my clothes off, then his, and then he...".

"He did what?!", asked Emeka, who was already on his feet. "You know what he did.", Tonye replied. "No, I don't!", Emeka shouted. "I was not there. I can't jump to conclusions. I can only know what you tell me!". "Fine!", Tonye screamed, "He raped me! You are happy now?! He raped me! And  I begged him, and cried, but he did not stop. And when he was done, he did it again. And again. And all I did was scream and cry in my head. I could not move or make a sound! When he was done, he flung my clothes on me, wore his own, and left the room. That was the last time I saw him, but I never forgot his face. Or the face of the doctor who told me four months later that I had miscarried the child of that scum of the Earth!  I had to drop out of school,  travel, and when I thought that I could, apply to go to a different university. That devil ruined my life! When I was beginning to live again, he came back to remind me. That Jim! That rapist!! And he's your brother?!" "No, he's my late friend's brother. He came yesterday to tell me that his brother had died.", Emeka replied. He was fuming. How can this be? She was raped? And impregnated? And she never told him? What if Jim had not come around? "This is all too much for me, Emeka said, I can't deal with all these. I will take care of the hospital bills. Do take care of yourself.". With that, he left.

She has known pain,of the rape, the shame and embarrassment that had followed, the fear, and  self-torture that had followed, but what she felt then was nothing compared to what she felt now. It was nothing short of death. She knew that this would happen if she told him. She knew that he would leave her and want nothing to do with her. Nobody wants to deal with anything damaged. She expected it to ruin the relationship. But the reality was horrible. She has lost everything all over again. She was there crying when the doctor came in and the process for her to be discharged was handled. She went home and slowly got back to her normal routine...without Emeka. She dedicated herself to her work and church activities. In time, she got the courage to begin therapy with an organisation the doctor had advised her to contact. 

Three months into therapy, the head Psychologist at the organisation asked to see her. He commended her progress and recovery. He asked her if she could volunteer to tell her story, and if she had forgiven everyone who was part of her story. She said 'yes' to both questions. She was a grown woman now, in charge of her life and her feelings. She had fought and won. She IS a survivor.

EPILOGUE:

Six months later, at a fundraiser for the organisation, Tonye, who had become an active part of the organisation, gave a provocative speech about rape and its resultant effects on the victims and the society. The speech moved a lot of dignitaries to donate funds and materials in support of the fight against rape and the rehabilitation of rape victims. While at her seat after giving the speech, a man came from behind her, held her shoulders, and whispered into her ears, "I'm proud of you.". She didn't have to turn to know who it was. Emeka Nnaji. He took her by the hand and walked out to the balcony. "I'm sorry I was not there for you," he began, "I had to take care of my friend's funeral and go out of the country for business. I'm glad you took the doctor's advice. I'm sorry I told him what you were going through and asked him to help you. I just needed time to deal with all that information and I wanted you to be strong for you, for us. I hope you understand Tonye. I love you, and want you to be as strong as I want to be for you. So will you now give me an answer to my question?". She was crying but managed to ask, "What question?". "Will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?", he asked. "Yes.", she whispered.

- The Lady 

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”

Galatians 5:1

FLAMES AND DUSTS (1)

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"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the most wonderful things that will ever happen to us. - Nicole Reed

She never fits in. Never has. She always felt left out, like she was different. Like she was odd and dirty. She doesn't need to be told. She knew. Something is wrong with her. Or else, all these things would not be happening to her. But she has tried to fit in, she had gone to school, got her degrees, got a great job she would have loved if she had had that ability. She has always been the good child, respectful to everyone, hardworking at home and work, even sweet to children wherever she saw them. Those poor little things. Hmmm, they don't know the evil world that they have been born into. Some people that she had spoken with, on those rare occasions where she had tried to act like others and socialise, had given different reasons why life was good, but she knows otherwise. She had lived it. Still lives it. 

"Tonye!", she heard. She jerked at the sound of her name and saw the source of the sound. He was tall and looked familiar, but she couldn't  remember where she had seen him. Oh no! He was walking towards her. But it didn't seem like he was actually moving, he was getting closer, with strides that looked effortless. He is handsome, she thought. But he is a man and that's not a good thing, she reminded herself. "Hello Tonye", he said from beside her. She faced him and met smooth ebony skin, chestnut brown eyes, eyes that were smiling at her, and the whitest teeth she had seen. His right hand was held out for a handshake. She took it. Hmm, the handshake was formal and firm but he had soft hands. He's definitely rich and pampered, she thought. A whiff of his cologne and a quick assessment of his clothes, all done in 2 seconds, and she concluded. He was definitely a playboy. A rich and pampered playboy. Ha! The devil is back in human form, she thought. His plans will not work. 

His lips were moving but she heard nothing as the voices in her head were louder. He was probably lying. That's their way, all these 'yeye' men that the devil has filled the world with. "...but when I got there, they said you had moved", she heard him say. "Umm, got where?", she inquired. He chuckled. "Were you even listening to me all these time?", he asked. "I was saying that I had a crush on you back at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, but you never had my time. And when I had got the courage to talk to you", he continued, "that is after I had stalked you, I found out that you had moved from the house you were staying at. I am Emeka Nnaji by the way. I apologise for my manners." Oh! Bad. Emeka! Definitely an Igbo playboy. She had to run...fast! "Oh, Mr. Nnaji. It's so nice to meet you", she said as she picked up her precious Givenchy Antigona bag and laptop purse, "but I was waiting here for the traffic to ease up so that I could leave. I have somewhere important to...". "Oh no!", he said, cutting her escape speech short, "you are going to have an important dinner with me. I have prayed for the past ten years to see you again and you want to just go like that. Not fair. I have had a bad day and was on my way to the church when I saw your face. Please, come in to church with me and we can go catch dinner later. Please say yes." 

She was confused. What's going on? Before she could reply her own question or his, he had taken her by the hand, collected her bag and laptop, and was walking her to the church. The service was awesome as always. She was a Christian too, and loved church, but she has never let herself feel all that people said that they felt. She has let go of trying to feel all that. But she couldn't let go of the image of the 6'2 Emeka crying during worship. He didn't even look at her once. It was as though he was alone there. How can a person be this true in Christianity and be a playboy at the same time. This is all so confusing. Why is life hard? She needs to get over this meeting, get home, and end the day. 

But Emeka had other plans. They did have that dinner, great food at the Signature, great conversation too. He was intelligent, funny and a great listener. It was very easy to talk to him. Dinner was not the end of the night though. They had exchanged numbers, so they talked through the night, and at different times the next day. A couple of lunch and dinner dates later, Emeka asked her to be his girlfriend. Truth is, she had started liking him, but she was too broken to be in a relationship with him. He was sweet, and caring, and everything she never knew she needed. But she had a past. And experience has taught her that once her past comes to light, even the sweetest man can not handle it. It changes him and changes the relationship. 

She could not do that to Emeka. She had to tell him before they began anything. But how? She knew not. She had become accustomed to his voice, the fragrance of his cologne, the surprises and impromptu visits and dates. She could not lose that now. Just one week then she would tell him, she decided. She knew that she was being selfish but this was the first time she was having fun, being free to be herself in her life. With someone who liked her for her. Heck! They celebrated three months of meeting 3 days ago and he was yet to kiss her goodnight. She needs this, if only for one week. She had to do this for the memories. 

On one of their dinner dates, he was emotional over the death of one of his friends and while comforting him, she nearly spilled. One week had turned into three weeks and she was yet to tell him her secret or give him a reply to his relationship proposal. One more week she decided. She had left her car at his house on the day his friend had died as she thought he was not in a good shape to drive himself so they had gone on their dinner date in his car. After the dinner, she had called a taxi to take him home while she drove his car home. She had come back to drop his car and pick hers up. She rang the doorbell. Emeka answered the door. His eyes were red and puffy. He must have been crying. Poor baby! She gave him a hug, snatched her keys off the table and was turning to leave when she saw the face. She froze.She has never forgotten that face. Oh God! She blacked out.

- The Lady 

“Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly.”

Psalms 3:7

   

LIFE NUGGET: STAY ON IT

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"If you can't fly, then run,
  If you can't run, then walk,
  If you can't walk, then crawl,
  But whatever you do,
  You have to keep moving forward.
- Martin Luther King Jnr

Everyone has had moments when things got so bad or confusing that the first reaction was to give up and just run away. Some have even given up on things when the going was tough. I'm not here to criticise or beat anyone up. I have been in one of those situations too. It is really hard to keep the faith and keep moving forward when everything is working against you. But you know what I learnt? Most times, the things working against you are all up in your head.
We have this highly developed brains that work more than we give it credit for. And in some situations, it works more than we would like it to. I can not see horror movies because the entire week after I do, I'll have flashes and thoughts of scary things happening, I will be too scared to go to a dark place alone. But as I grow up, I see, and try to remember, that the flashes are just a figment of my imagination: it's all up in my head. I mean, there just can't be a ghost of a woman chasing me just because I said "Bloody Mary". Or a really tall zombie chasing me with a chainsaw! Really Rae?! For one, we are in Nigeria! It's not like that here.
But I'm sure you get the picture. In real life, in our career, academics, businesses, we imagine some really scary things happening, most of which never happens. And when we are faced with tough situations, our imagination starts running wild and we start imagining the worse things. This is one of the reasons why some of us give up.
It all begins and ends in your mind. Success takes time to achieve, and quitting won't speed it up. What you give power has power over you, if you allow it. Learn to fight for what you want, even if you would be fighting alone. Stay alive, stay dedicated to your dreams, stay fighting, don't ever give up, just keep moving forward.
And at the end, when people ask what you did, tell them "Whatever it took".
Have a fruitful day!


- The Lady

    “Howbeit they looked when he should have swollen, or fallen down dead suddenly: but after they had looked a great while, and saw no harm come to him, they changed their minds, and said that he was a god.”

Acts 28:6

MOTIVATION MONDAY: VISUALIZE IT

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"I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was. I figured that if I said it enough, I could convince the world that I really was the greatest." - Muhammad Ali.

And he did. Muhammad Ali I mean. We are all familiar with the story of Muhammad Ali. He was just a man like any other who wanted more for himself. He got on his career path and had a vision of what he wanted from life and how he wanted his career to go. He wanted to be, not just the best fighter, but the greatest there was. Probably the greatest there would ever be. And through his trainings and fights, he never lost sight of the vision he had of being the greatest fighter. He stuck to it and made his purpose, his priority. We know how that story went.
Especially in this first month of the year, we all have visions of what we want for ourselves, for our lives, our careers, businesses, academics, etc. But we give ourselves and our time to distractions and things that are of temporary importance, but do nothing to contribute to the realization of our visions.
Think about what you want to achieve, picture it, visualize it, focus on the bigger picture. Don't forget about it. Make it your purpose . Let the vision motivate you. Use whatever positive tips available to you to build up your motivation so that you keep working on the vision and realize your dreams.
Things that can help you stay motivated? Meditating during your free time, when stressed, or when you want to give up. This can help keep you calm and focused. Well written plan will help you keep your focus and stay motivated as you can go back to it whenever you need to. Schedule your activities so that you leave your house daily, knowing what you have to do rather than being blown about carelessly. Having someone who believes in your vision around will motivate you to not forget or give up on your vision. And incase you start working on your vision and fail, figure out what went wrong, make changes and work towards making it better and achievable.
Have a great week!


- The Lady

   “Be strong and of a good courage: for unto this people shalt thou divide for an inheritance the land, which I sware unto their fathers to give them.”

            Joshua 1:6 

THE LADY'S DIARIES: LIVING BEYOND SURVIVAL

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"Opportunities don't happen, they are created." - Abiriba Racheal

Hello you! Hope you had a great Sunday? I sure did.

Anyway, I have a question that leads to what I'll be writing today. In a classroom setting, are you one of those who asks and answers questions in class, or are you one of those who probably know the answer, or maybe don't, but would rather sit and wait for others to ask and answer? 

I fall in the second group. All my life, I don't think I willingly asked or answered any questions in school. If I had a question, I'd tell someone to ask on my behalf, or write the question and pass it to the lecturer. And if I knew the answer to a question, I'd tell someone the answer or keep quiet until someone else answers. I thought that this was just an attitude to school, but as I grew older, I found that this was more than that. It was a survival technique.

This is life. We all have things we are going through, individual battles we are fighting. Everyone is going through something, or generally figuring life out. You are not alone in this journey of life. But what separates us all is our attitude to life. Some people face life head on, doing what they want, what makes them happy. While some just try to be good, play it safe, and avoid any complications. I try to live life with as little danger and complications, and it was good for me. Not great. Until I woke up to the possibilities and opportunities that life had to offer. I started taking chances, daring myself, and it was liberating. I decided that whenever I'm faced with an opportunity, I should do the opposite of what I used to do. I decided to stop surviving and start living. 

Has my decision been put into action? Yes. Has the result been positive? Sure has! I was recently faced with an opportunity to write for a group I was part of, and, contrary to what I would have done, I volunteered for the spot. Was it scary? Yes. But it didn't kill me. On the contrary, I felt this surge of energy and purpose. Like I was making progress, I could do anything. And so can you. 

Stop waiting for the right time. I don't think that there's a right time to start anything anyway. Just start. Live. Choose to do what really excites you. You either create opportunities for yourself or catch any available opportunity. The minute it takes you to wait 'until you are ready' or until you are sure', know that it takes another person the same time to (decide to) grab that opportunity. 

Just take the chances, you may find your best abilities in being creative as you go. Take a chance, see what happens. You may love it, or you may learn from it. But don't burn your opportunities for temporary comfort. So on a daily, get up, dress up, show up, and never give up on yourself or your abilities.

- The Lady 

   “And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.”

                     John 21:6 

BASKING IN PRODUCTIVE LAZINESS

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"Some fail, not because they were bound to fail, but because of the negativity they had in their heads of themselves." - Racheal Abiriba 

You know the way people love Fridays? TGIF? Turn-ups? And all of that? That excitement and rush they say they feel that many can't explain! The anticipation for the fun, and for some, the lovely unknown? That's how I feel about Saturdays. I mean! Saturdays are just...IT! I can't explain it. I don't work on Saturdays, I don't plan at all for the day. I just live as my spirit leads. And my spirit is almost always lazy on Saturdays. I wake up and just lay in bed thinking about everything and anything. Toes-curled, stretched, and...I think you get the picture.

It is one of my best days of the week as I get to relax, refresh, and go over the entire week in my head, reliving the best parts, and learning from any mistakes made. It is the definition of 'my' lazy day. Not because I don't have to do anything, but, on the contrary, because I have to do everything to make sure that my goals are not neglected in the hustle of life. At this time, nothing gets left out. I go over my experiences during the week, every person I spoke to or met, every action or inaction, every success and setbacks, and every blessing. I try not to beat myself up for goals set that were not achieved. I am only human and can do just so much.

It is necessary to take sometime to review yourself and know if you are still on track with your life. I use the time to remind myself of the future I want and the things I expect from me. I believe we all have visions of what we want from life and the way we want to live. Short- term or long-term goals need to be reviewed sometimes to be sure that the goals are doable and that you are still on the right path to realising those goals. 
So take sometime for yourself, find your 'me-time' . Use the time to recreate or inject productivity and positivity in your life. It doesn't have to be on a Saturday, find what works for you. It doesn't have to be overwhelming either, take your time, enjoy the process. Think back, learn and make amends in any area of your life that didn't go as planned. Don't whine about negative circumstances. Don't waste your time stressing over the things that you can't change, because even if it is your fault, it is your responsibility to do and be better daily. Take responsibility for the wrongs and move on. There's more to life than the past. Surround yourself with what inspires you to do better; this maybe people, books, etc. Just be focused on moving forward, being productive. And even if, like me, you're just in bed with a great book and awesome internet connection, you know that your laziness is not stopping you from being productive. 

So you see why I don't understand the craze about Fridays and the rush? I love my Saturdays, and this relationship is unconditionally unbreakable!


- The Lady 



   “And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.”
               Genesis 2:3 

LIFESTYLE: LOVE

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"First best is falling in love, second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love." - Maya Angelou

I was having a conversation with some people this morning and it got intense at some point. I never knew that the subject of 'Love' was that complicated for some. I mean, the conversation became a duel of ideas and opinions in no time, with emotions flowing through words as stories and experiences were exchanged. It was difficult for me not to have been soaked into the discussion or write about it. Personally, I don't like stress in my life, and I avoid anything that will make me go through stress. That's why I avoid discussing this topic. But I'm writing about it now only because of its importance.

As a word, it is difficult to define simply. As a feeling, it is almost impossible to explain with words. And as an action, some think it is too risky and/or scary to put themselves out there like that. But it is one thing that has helped many of us make sense of our existence and get through life. LOVE is beautiful, sincere, pure, and kind. It is fragile and strong all at once.It gives without expecting anything in return. It heals the broken, heals the soul. Mends relationships and homes. But most of all, love is YOU. 

Until you know yourself and love yourself, it's hard to find someone who would love you the way you deserve as you don't even know how you want to be loved. I once read somewhere that 'a broken heart knows not how to love'. But I don't believe that. That broken heart has just not given itself the chance; to forgive, forget, heal, live, and love. A lot goes into being loved, first of which is having love. You can't give what you do not have, and you can not expect to receive what you are not capable of giving or handling. That's just the way the world works. 

It is almost impossible to be friendly with people who are hateful towards you and/or others. It is human to behave that way. And this affects us in every area of our lives, personally, professionally, even financially. Nobody wants to be with someone who won't love them or treat them right. So also does nobody want to do business with people or establishments that won't look out for them or their interests. The knee jerk reaction is to run away from loveless situations and circumstances.

As a person, in your relationship with people, if all you are interested in is yourself, or all you have to give are deprecating remarks about others without even a pinch of love or warmness, you would fast become an outsider as no one will want to associate with you with good reason. No one, in their right mind, wants to live in bitterness. 

And professionally, in business or financially, no one wants a hateful person to come in contact with their money or associate with them. If you, as a business person can not make your customers feel special or appreciated, your business is as good as dead. Bad reviews from one person can do a lot of damage. Companies are investing a lot to make service delivery comfortable for their customers and this goes a long way. 

Bottom line, personally? Love yourself and others will love you in return. And if they don't, please, walk away for your own good. It is not by force, you are not Nigerian jollof  rice! Professionally, love your brand, love what you do. People are always watching. They will know if you are faking it. And if you are not faking, they will come to you as they know that they are in safe hands. And in your finances, learn to be good to yourself. Invest in yourself, save some money, buy stocks(please contact professionals as I can't say that it is a good time now to buy stocks in Nigeria). And generally, live! No too much of anything. Love is an attitude. Love yourself like never before, and love others more.

Live, love, stay alive!

I love you!!

- The Lady 

   “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

John 3:16 

DANCE IN THE RAIN (2)

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He was uncontrollable. He wept shamelessly as he went with the doctor to her office. At her office, she gave him a box of tissues and waited for him to stop crying. When he was quieter, she told him that Adaora was alive. The tears continued. This time, for joy. "But we don't know for how long", the doctor continued, "because the tumour has metastasised. It is really aggressive and incontinent. We are currently running a series of tests on her to determine the extent of the spread. We will do all we can to help her but I can't give you any false hopes. You and the kids can come visit her at the ICU but won't be able to speak with her as she will be resting. Please be strong for her and your family."

Strong? How? Where will the strength come from. His whole life was crumbling before him, his Sunshine was dying and he's expected to be strong? How has being strong helped him? His strength can't make her better. His strength can't ease her. What will he do? She can't leave him alone! She was the calm to his storm. She came into his life and blessed him with every beautiful thing, especially the twins. The twins!! He had to take care of them now, alone. The thoughts kept coming as the tears kept flowing. He took his phone out of his pocket and called Ola, his wife's sister. The kids were fine, they were just leaving Coldstone Creamery. He told her what had happened and instructed her to bring them to the hospital. He left the doctor's office and went to the restroom. One look in the mirror and the tears came pouring. Why? Why is this happening to me? To us? God why? He did not hear one of the toilets flush, nor did he hear the words the other man had said. He barely felt the touch of the man's hand on his shoulder. He tried his best to freshen up and look happy to see the kids. He had to be strong for them. 

In ten days, Adaora was lost to cervical cancer, a very aggressive one that had cost the family three pregnancies before it was diagnosed as the cause of the miscarriages. A diagnosis that came late as Mr. & Mrs. Jefferson Ajayi never knew nor suspected the cause of the miscarriages to be cervical cancer. Adaora had been diagnosed first of fibroid after the first two miscarriages and steps had been taken to treat it including surgery. But after the third miscarriage which happened during the family's trip to the UK, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer after series of tests had been run. She chose not to take the option of chemotherapy and radiotherapy as she wanted to take care of the kids. No one suspected that the cancer was the aggressive sort. In one year, she had shrunk drastically and serious steps were taken. Treatments involving both chemotherapy and radiotherapy were begun. Another surgery, hysterectomy, was already being prepared for. But it was a little too late already. The cancer had spread to other organs and become too dangerous for any surgical procedures to save her.

After Adaora's death, the Jefferson Ajayi family set up a Non-Governmental Organisation(NGO), Chaired by Mr. Jefferson Ajayi, to sensitize people about Cancer generally, and Cervical Cancer specifically. And to help them cope with the loss of Mrs. Adaora Jefferson Ajayi. 

Early detection is key in the fight against cancer. Please, read books, Google, and learn more about Cervical Cancer and other types of Cancer. You just might be saving yourself or someone. 

Good life begins with good health.

Stay healthy.

- The Lady 

    “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

Matthew 5:16