Renewing The Mind

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"By doing what has to be done to avoid past mistakes, you prepare yourself for the incredible future God has in store for you." - DeVon Franklin

Personal growth and development is not as easy or as difficult as some may think. It is one of those things that require a serious commitment on the part of the individual for it to have a fighting chance of working. Without committing to it, you will, at best, be stuck at the stage where you know that you need to make some changes but nothing is being done. Hence, the mind of an individual is very key to the success of his/her personal growth journey. This takes us to today's post. Let's jump right into it, shall we?

Renewing the mind is not as scary as it sounds but it is a very important process in any success story. For some, it may not require an extreme transformation or metamorphosis, and for some, it might. Different strokes for different folks. To renew here is used more in the context of replacing or replenishing something that has broken or been exhausted as opposed to making something new.

We are humans not machines. As much as we may want to be made 'new', except in the physical sense with the help of natural and surgical procedures, we can only make adjustments to give us the illusion of something 'new'. That said, renewing the mind, in the context of this post, implies a re-education, remoulding, or reconfiguration of the way the mind works so that our actions, or inactions, may produce our desired results.

Every of our actions and inactions begins from our minds, our subconscious if I may refer to it as that. Therefore, an understanding of how our minds work will make it easier for us to accept ourselves for who we are, and help us figure out how to progress as individuals. When I had to do this, I took some time for myself, about an hour before I went to bed each day, book and pen in hand. I wrote everything I did each day, separating the things I loved from those that got me sad and angry.

At the end of 2 weeks(that was the personal target I had set for myself), I had a better understanding of who I am, the things I love and hate, what makes me happy, sad, angry, hurt, etc, the things I had to continue doing and those I had to stop. It was a period of clarity that helped me figure out how different things and people affected my daily life, what I wanted to do with my life, those around me who were, or had the potential of, either pulling me down or lifting me up.

Saying that this was an amazing experience will be a gross misrepresentation of the facts(there I go sounding like a lawyer! *rolls eyes* Lol!). But it was a truly awesome experience. It was like I was getting to know this new person that had been living in my body. I began to see myself in a different light, with a renewed interest and extreme love and respect for myself. That was more than enough to make me get excited about life and being alive.

So?! What are you waiting for? Set a timed target for you to review all your thoughts, actions, and relationships with people, family members included. At the end of each day, write down in different sections the things and people you love, those that didn't cut it, the ways they affected you(sad, angry, happy, etc), those you should cut off and those that should definitely be continued with. Do it whichever way you want, but in a way that would help you figure out life easier.
Have fun getting to know the real you and renewing your mind. Can't wait to meet you!
Love...


- The Lady

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Romans 12:2

I Will Be Next To You

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"People can not change who you are and what you were born to be." - Iyanla Vanzant

Words cannot describe or express how much I appreciate your response to the last post. The feedback was humbling to say the least. I mean, I didn't know, and I still don't know, what kind of response I expected, but what I got was beyond my expectations. It literally blew my mind! Thank you a million times and more. You all are more than amazing!

I could not have prayed for a better audience. You all came on here to read the post, you commented on Google+, Facebook, and everywhere I could be reached. Some of you who know me personally even went as far as calling my phone to know how I was doing. I am beyond grateful for the love and support. Thank you very much!

While writing that post, my main intention was to share a part of me with you with the hope that I could help someone out there who was going through the same, if not a similar, thing as I was going through. To save someone from drowning in the endless cycle of pain and mistakes just as I did. I didn't consider how it would all happen, but I knew that telling my story was a start.

And what a great start it was! I not only connected with other people who were living through different types and levels of pain, but sharing my personal growth story gave me a type of peace that I've not had in a while. I don't know how to explain it but all your support gave me a boost to see life in a different, more attractive light.

You all did more for me than you know. Actually, you all did more for me than I set out to do for you.  And that has put me on my toes. That has motivated me to go all out to do more, and be more, for you. This is not just a statement, it's a commitment to be here for every single one of you. Just as that last post was written from a place of love, this commitment is made with love.

For every one of you who is going through a really painful time, I might not be able to take all that pain away at once or all together, but with your help, I will be here to go rid of, and through, it all  with you. For those whose skies are gray, we would paint it blue together. For those in tears, we would stop the tears together.

We would get through this journey of life and enjoy it. But we can only do that when we support and build each other up. And the best way to do this is together. With all of us, standing tall next to each other, helping each other write our individual personal growth stories, and helping each other make the necessary commitments to see those stories take shape.

There will be times when we won't understand what we are doing, or, we even forget why we are doing it. But if we do it together, it will all be easier to figure out. And at the end, we will all be thankful for this journey of life and the pain that brought us all together. But it can only happen if you let me in, and let me walk through this life next to you.
Do have yourself a great weekend!


- The Lady

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

Romans 15:13

My Personal Growth Story (Part 1)

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"I may not have the power to change what the media puts out there, or to single-handedly convince young girls like me that they should love themselves. But what I can do is start with me living each day. Embracing who I am." - Danielle Brooks

As the saying goes, 'things happen for a reason'. I am one of those who believe in that. And even more now that I see things differently than before. This is my personal growth story but I am, and my story is, still evolving. The perfectionist in me would love to wait until a 'perfect time', but, as part of my personal development plan is to see life as a circle of perfect timing, I will tell it anyway as there are people like me who could learn from it.

I have not always been this person who cares much about what happens to people that are not my family, friends, relatives, or myself. I believed that everyone had their own lives to live and did not need any help from anyone. I believed that life was a personal race, a sprint, and the best thing was to run your own race and leave others to theirs. Except THEY decide for it to be a relay race and hand the baton to me, I had no business being in their business.

That was until things changed for my family that 'nearly' destroyed life as I knew it. Certain people I regarded as more of family than relatives took it upon themselves to make decisions on behalf of my family that 'nearly' destroyed the reality my siblings and I had grown up in for their own reasons. I was way too young, but I had an elder's mind. Despite the maturity of my mind, I was weak. I started making making mistakes because of the anger, frustration, and disappointment I felt then. Mistakes that shaped me into who I now am.

I tried hiding all that negative energy when I was around people, especially my siblings, as I did not want to be the centre of a 'pity party'. But that was no good. I was smiling on the surface but  suffering inside. I was never really happy, always 2 seconds away from a sour mood. Years went by before I stopped letting my emotions loop me around a never ending roller coaster of pain, anger, frustration, sorrow, and mistakes.

After several 'failed' attempts to change the situation of things in my life, I finally made a decision to change my personal story and my life and I committed to that decision. At first, I forced myself to live life with a positive attitude, one day at a time. At some point, I realised that I had forgiven those relatives without any apology from them(not that I expected any), I had begun to really love myself and my life, and it was now normal for me. I had this burst of energy and hope everyday, all without faking it or forcing it.

I loved the results, but I loved the way I felt about life even more. I began to make better decisions. I took notes of almost anything that got into my head, I wrote down my dreams and expectations for my life, I even wrote detailed plans of how I wanted to achieve those dreams. I began investing in my faith, reading my Bible, attending fellowships, and praying. I did everything I could not to go back to being that weak, unhappy person again, for my sake, for my family, and for my unborn children.

Private person that I am, it's hard to believe that I am telling my account of the not-so-proud parts of my life. But if it will help people, even just one person, then I'll gladly do it over and over again. My name is Abiriba Racheal Nene, and I have been fighting to take back ownership of my life. Despite my mistakes and people's opinions of me, I am still living my life, loving my life, and growing into the strong woman I know I am inside.

I hope that this wakes you up to who you are, what powers live within you, and helps you focus on your purpose on this Earth regardless of the noise of other people who try to distract you from your path with their negativity. Don't get distracted, stay strong, and work hard to make yourself first, then others, proud to know you. It won't be easy, but the results are worth it!
Have a great day!

P/s: Thanks to you, the blog will be going through some upgrades. Most important of which is that posts will now consistently be up on Saturdays to better serve you. Thank you for being here!
Love...

- The Lady

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28 

Finance Strategising During A Recession In Nigeria

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"Focus is critical to your success, but sometimes, you have to force focus to be focused." - Lanre Olusola, The Catalyst

Firstly, I'd love to welcome you to the the new month. *It's September already. Yay!!* Secondly, it's official, we have slipped into an economic recession in Nigeria. Like things were not bad enough already. But this is not a 'woe-to-me' post. On the contrary, it is aimed at helping us get through these times, and save while at it.

I remember a friend telling me, sometime in December 2015, that it was unfortunate that I'd be serving my country(NYSC) during these financially troubled times. By then, we had not yet slipped into this recession in Nigeria. I decided to make the best of the year. And I'm glad to say that through this crazy economy, especially these past few months, I have 'adjusted' my spending and have turned that 'misfortune' to a testimony. Truly, it is the best thing I have done for my finances! What I did?

SHOP WITH A LIST
I used to be one of those who just walk into the supermarket and pick up anything I feel like. But recently, I started going grocery shopping with a list. It has helped me cut down on unnecessary shopping and helped me really watch what I eat health-wise.

TIME MY PURCHASES
Most stores put various items on sales at the end of the month. So, rather than buy the things I feel I need any time I feel like, I write them down and wait until the end of the month. Most of the things I have written down end up going on sale, and the waiting period helps me evaluate if I really need some of the things on the list. Those that I don't really need gets cut off. You see, a few Naira saved!

PACK MY LUNCH
Since I buy everything in bulk, I end up having so much food at home. And it doesn't make sense to me to buy lunch out when I can make it myself, and be sure of what I put in my body. So, while preparing your breakfast, you can prepare your lunch too and pack it up for the office. This can help you eat healthy too.

TRACK AND NEGOTIATE MY BILLS
Recurrent outflows like transportation, electricity, and waste bills are easily negotiable. And, if you have to port to a different service provider to save money then do. Others like phone bills, especially for those on prepaid plans can easily be cut. If you are one of those who use up to 10,000 Naira on voice/data plans, you might need to cut it a little. Especially if you only use it to chat with family and friends.*rolls eyes*

SHARE THE BILLS
Rather than taking a taxi alone and paying the full bill, why not share a ride with a co-worker who is going the same way with you? You'll pay half the bill and, if it's your thing, enjoy a conversation with the person.

JUST SAVE ALREADY!
No matter how much you earn, with a little management and planning, you can put away one-third or one-quarter of your salary, or whatever works for you, in a savings account. I just found this plan with my bank and its sister insurance company that allows you save a particular amount monthly for a period of time of your choice. During that time, you can only deposit and not withdraw from that account until the end of the agreed period. Of course I registered! *Wink*

Who says that you can't save through this period?! If you put your mind to it and follow these tips, I'm positive that you will see a difference in your savings and finances. Feel free to adjust any of the above tips to suit you, and share any tip(s) you've got in the comments section. Someone might need it.

Do have a great day!


- The Lady

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

Joshua 1:9

The Power Of The Gut:The Magic Within Us

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"I'm always asked, "Who's my most trusted advisor?" My answer - My gut." - The Rock

Personally, I don't believe in magic. But there's no better way to describe the root of today's post. Some call it 'Intuition', some call it 'Gut', some call it 'Instinct', but I call it 'Me'. Why? Because it's a part of me. It is part of my unique and distinct features. It is one of the things that make me who I am.

And the beauty is, we all have it. That part of us that advises us whether or not we want to listen, that speaks to us when we shut the world out. That part of us that understands our hunger for success, and wants it for us more than we want it for ourselves.

But the sad thing is, for different reasons, we hardly give it the chance to speak. Maybe because of a past mistake or miscalculation, because of fear of the result of listening to it, or because of the noise of the world telling us that we can't amount to much. For these and more, we silence or turn deaf to it.

But it's one of the most stubborn 'persons' I know. It never keeps quiet. It keeps talking, probing, trying to provoke us to get up and keep moving forward. Trying to make us achieve success and be all that we can be. Because it knows that our success is his/her success too, it doesn't give up on us.

Listen to your gut and block out the noise of the world. Trust your gut when it says that your can do better, be better, and amount to much more than we know and expect. It's not an easy thing to do as the world doesn't stop telling us that we could fail. But, if we can listen to our gut, we are sure to find success. It is always right, no matter how crazy it may sound sometimes.

Always remember, in moments of doubt, trust your gut. Some of the best advice you will ever get will come from your gut.
Have a great day!


- The Lady

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”

1 Peter 5:10

BROKEN COOKIES

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"The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Things like that don't happen to people like me."
Ever caught or heard yourself saying that? I have. A number of times. I have lost count of the number. But I can remember that those times, I was either trying to be funny, or I was being unnecessarily humble.*Yes, I have learnt to be brutally honest with myself!* But that is the most disgusting confession anyone can make about themselves. It displays your low self-esteem to the world, and the world responds by giving you crap.

I used to know this girl whose measurement of low self-esteem was below anything I have seen. Hers was as a result of a terribly abusive relationship. It was so bad, she never hung out with friends because she had come to believe that she was not pretty enough to be part of a group of friends, nor was she 'cool' enough to hangout with people.

If you even compliment her on what she wore, she would say something like "Oh. It's just a cheap and old thing." I remember thinking "Something is wrong with this girl" whenever I saw her. Thinking of her now, I wish I had spoken some atom of self-esteem into her, or probably just shook some sense into her. I don't think I ever saw her happy. The thought of it all is just sad.

Low self-esteem has dealt a number on some people that many can not ever recover from. It affects EVERY area of its victims' lives. Their careers, relationships, and general every day lives. It holds people back from going for what they want and deserve.

It and its cousin Mr. Doubt. They are an awful bunch. Like parasites, they feed on every joy and happiness, whether past, present, or future, in the victim's life until the person is empty of everything except existence.

When a victim of low self-esteem gets a great opportunity staring her in the eyes, she ignores it because she has grown to believe that she does not deserve such good thing. She lets go of things that she wants and needs because she doesn't believe that it is for her.

That's the principle of the broken cookies. Some people have become so messed up by low self-esteem and its accompanying cousin, Mr. Doubt, that they now believe that they can achieve nothing. Even things as little as having fun and being happy seem like abominations to them.

If you ever feel this way, know that you are not alone in this. There are a lot of people going through the same thing. But you need to overcome it. You need to remind yourself daily that you deserve the full, unbroken cookies just like every other person. Build yourself and your confidence.

Go on and go after what you really want, need, and deserve.
Hope you are having a great week?


- The Lady

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”

Galatians 5:1

WHAT ARE THEY REALLY ENFORCING?

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"We must hold law enforcement accountable for unjust, incompetent, or intentionally malicious use of deadly force, making it clear that they are not above the law they are sworn to enforce, nor are they allowed to selectively honor their duty to serve, protect, and preserve life." - Earl Graves Snr

Weekly, if not daily, we get reports on different social media platforms of one form of Police brutality or the other. Some of which have been considered as 'minor', but the bulk of which led to deaths. The last of which are those of Alton Sterling a few days ago.

Like that wasn't enough, I just saw a video of a young man, Philando Castile, who did not look like he was up to his 30s, shot in his arm as he tried to get his I.D as the Police Officer had asked him to provide it. His girlfriend who was beside him in the car was videotaping everything as they waited for Police and Medical 'backup'. The last thing I heard before I cut the video was the girl's voice saying "Oh my God, please don't tell me he's dead. Please don't tell me my boyfriend just went like that!"

Why do things like these have to happen? Especially with the Police as the perpetrators of these deaths. Why do they have to be so trigger-happy? A record of about 144 deaths in the US alone as a result of Police brutality, and we only just begun the 7th month of the year!

Now, let me give an answer before anybody asks me "How e take consain you? Na 'jand' you dey?"("How does it concern you? You are not even in the US, are you?") It concerns me. Actually, it concerns everyone of us. For one, we are all human beings. But if you don't understand that answer, then please refer to my last post on Humanity.

Truth be told, the US is not the only place where there are cases of Police brutality. We have had cases of same in Nigeria, and many have led to loss of lives. And the excuses for such cases have ranged from tiredness and drunkenness, to (their favourite) accidental discharge.

These arms they use were given to them to use with 'extreme caution', and any force exerted by a Police Officer on a civilian should be 'reasonable force'. Now, those words, 'extreme caution' and 'reasonable force' are subjective as each individual situation will determine the interpretation of those words. But in most of the cases of Police brutality, especially those that led to the death of civilians, whether or not in Nigeria, the 'test of a reasonable man' in such situations hardly ever fell in favour of the Police Officer.

They, the Police Officers, that were given all that power to enforce justice and protect the rights of the citizens, have become the very ones who enforce injustice and flaunt the rights of the citizens they have sworn to protect. It's really sad and painful. "Who then will protect us on the streets before we get to the Courtrooms?" I hear someone ask. We will. We are the people. And we have the power.

To Philando Castile, Alton Sterling, and every other person all around the world whose lives have been lost, or have been victims of Police brutality in one way or another. To their families, friends, and loved ones, and to every other person in the world still alive. It's our right to be alive, do what is right and stay out of trouble to the best of your ability.
With Love...


- The Lady

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Romans 8:18

HUMANTY

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"Don't let the outside world dictate what you should do." - Jules Marcoux

We are the reasons for some of our 'problems'. Every 'smart' one of us. We put ourselves in situations that, most times, require us to be just human and simple. But we complicate things by trying to play by rules of stereotypes, racism, tribalism, and all those other '-isms' that we complicate our lives with. 

We are all similar if not the same. Every one of us humans. Black or white, fat or thin, Igbo or Yoruba. Our age, size, or nationality does not make us different in anyway. The only thing that we can call 'different' about each of us is our beauty and grace that is unique to each of us.

The problem is that we love the easy route to any destination. If we don't understand the next person, we chalk it up to them being different because of their tribe, race, skin, financial or social status in the society. Forgetting the basic thing: our similarity as humans.

Personally, I believe that the root of most, if not all, of our biggest problems in life is our fear of being in touch with our 'humanity'. The core of us being human. And that fear is well grounded because, in comparison with the way of life of the world around us, our humanity can make us seem, and feel, vulnerable. And vulnerability is a risk many are not willing to take.

But, to simplify our lives, we need to re-learn the essence of being alive. Like little children. We need to be able to be honest with ourselves about how we feel, what matters in life, and try to understand others and how they feel too.

Understanding. That's what it all boils down to. Not our selfish interests, or the thrill of winning above every other person. But understanding ourselves and understanding the next person. Understanding that the power to shape your life is in your hands and not in control of some evil person.

It is easier to blame others than to own up to the role(s) we played in the situation. But we need to recognize that other people are not always the problem. We are sometimes the problem. We can only see this if we are honest with ourselves.

Life is beautiful when we see ourselves for who we are, with all of our beauty and flaws. Rather than complicating life with all the unnecessaries, we ought rather to look inside us, find our inner beauty and our individual uniqueness. No psychic or fairy godmother can do this for us but us. 

It is not going to be easy. But boy...is it worth it!

Have a great new month!

- The Lady

“No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.”

John 10:18

WHEN YOU CAN'T BE STRONG FOR YOU

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"That which cannot kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzsche

My blogging/writing game has been 'off' lately. I apologize. The simple reason for that is that life happened. I had some personal things to deal with and I wouldn't have been able to write as best as I can while dealing with those personal things. Now that it's better, I'm able to see things differently.

I have never been one to run to others in tears when I'm faced with things that seem too much for me to handle. I have always been the strong one. Big sister, mother hen, peacemaker, friend, etc, are some names I have been called at one point or the other.

I had always been the one that others ran to and shared their problems with. They knew that my shoulders would always be there for them to cry on and lean on. They could vent their anger, emotions, and frustrations, and be assured that I will not judge them or tell their secrets.

I was that lady. I believe that I still am her. I always have a kind word for everyone, big or small, irrespective of their age or the issues poured out to me. That was why I was shocked when I was faced with my own issues and I couldn't find the right words to say to myself, or, how to get me to feel better.

That expression, "Ill Doctors need other Doctors" is true though. I, who always had some form of advice or solution for others, was at loss when it got to my turn to be strong for myself. I guess it was life's way of telling me that I may be as strong as I can be, but that I still need others at some point.

And boy did I get the message! Grudgingly at first, but I did. With the help of friends, family, someone whom I have grown to recognize as a mentor, and best of all, God. Their words sounded odd at first as I used to be the one saying those words to others. But, by the time I had relaxed, it all started making sense to me as the recipient of the words, and not as the giver.

This experience taught me that, sometimes, I need to take a step back and give others the opportunity to be there for me. It may be a chance for me to see things, and people, in a perspective that is different from what I had of them. It was HARD for me, but the result is worth it.

One thing that helped me through it was the fact that I didn't lose my attitude of gratitude. I kept being grateful for going through it all. It helped me learn more about myself, others, and life in general.

As you live daily, embrace the times when you are strong for yourself and for others. You don't know how valuable that strength is.

- The Lady

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.”

Psalms 121:1-3

SHE IS GROWING!

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"Growth is never by mere chance; it is the result of forces working together." - James Cash Penney

Through the years of my life, I have tried to be best at what I do. Not better than others, just as best as I can be. I don't have a competitive bone in me. I can not compete with anyone for anything. I guess it's because I have this belief that I can get anything I want if I work for it, and working for it does not have to mean going up against anyone who wanted that same thing.

You can imagine where this got me. I remember back in High School, I was selected to participate in track and field activities to represent my house(dormitory). Running or jumping alone, I was told that I did well. But when put against others, I was either slow, or I just stopped completely. When asked about it, I gave excuses.

But the truth was that all those that I had to run or jump against had been friends or just been friendly to me. I couldn't possibly justify competing against friends, and this held me back in different ways. But as I grew older, I realised that I had been cheating myself out of the things that make life worth living. I barely had fun experiences, or fond memories of life spent.

But this is not what life is about. Life is about being 'you', staying alive, doing fun things with people that will become memories, going for what you really want(and if your friends want it too, you all can have fun going for it).

I have done my best to change my life and go for what I want. And as I add one more year to this life I live, I am ready to do more - have fun, go for what I want, make friends, make memories, and generally keep growing into the best version of myself.

This is life, and I'm ready to be more alive!
Can't wait to see the 'me' I grow into. Be sure that I will share the experience with you!
Kisses...😘


- The Lady

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Romans 12:2

SOMETIMES, IT'S SO CLOSE

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"Be honest with yourself about what is truly important to you in your life. You may find that it is already much closer than you think." - Reuben Chavez

Sometimes, things happen that makes us believe that we are alone in this 'rat race' called life. We may have people around us, friends and family, but we still have that vacuum inside of us that we don't know how to fill. That scary emptiness that doesn't disappear despite our forced laughter and dances.

Sometimes that loneliness may be as a result of those we care for getting caught up in their own businesses and having little or no time for us. The loneliness slowly begins to eat us up, tear us apart, and drive us to having crazy thoughts.

Sometimes, they may be at low points in life and our little 'Hello' maybe their saviour. It becomes our duty to check in on them, do what we can for them, put smiles on their faces. And, in that way, we would be putting smiles on our own faces and filling the void we feel inside of us.

Sometimes, that vacuum that exists inside us is there to make us feel how others feel. To push us to fill the void in the lives of others. Sometimes, we search for what to fill the void we feel inside with, but in truth, filling the void that others feel may be the only medicine we need.

Sometimes, all it takes to fill that void is you taking a break and counting your blessings. Think back to the times when you didn't have the things you have now and realize that, just as you have the things you have now, the future you desire is also forthcoming.

Sometimes, all we need is close, if not inside of us. Our family, friends, and colleagues could be all that we need at one point or the other. But at other times, being all we can for them could be all we need for ourselves. All we have to do is recognize it and do the best we can with it.


- The Lady

“Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Romans 12:21

LIFE NUGGET: SEE YOURSELF

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"If I didn't define myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." - Audre Lorde

You are a result of the choices you make. While a lot of us make no choice at all, some of us waste our time comparing ourselves and our choices to others'. We begin having dreams and fantasies of being other people because of how we perceive them to be.

We fall for the sparkles and beauty we see when we look at others, their accomplishments in various fields and wish we were them. And, in all that, we refuse to see the originality in us. Our uniqueness, our individuality, our victories(no matter how little). We get carried away by the vain things.

We forget that we are all different. With our different strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and our different purposes in life. We fail to recognise that our individuality is what makes us unique, and our purpose is what makes us fulfilled. And only through fulfilling our individual purposes will we truly be who we are.

There will always be people who we believe look better than us, and are doing better than us. Infact, there will be some people who may do something better than us at some point. But, rather than dwell on those people and what they are doing, we can choose to better ourselves and be the best that we can.

At this point is maturity, growth, self-realisation, and success. We begin to really see ourselves, and let go of those distracting images and thoughts that held us back. At the point where we really learn about and accept ourselves for who we really are, that is when we can really say we have succeeded.

Our success in life is, in some way, tied to our definition of ourselves - our state of mind concerning who we are. Life is not a popularity contest, unlike what social media may make some people believe. You can only be your best self when you realise who you are and what you want, as against what others may(want to) make you believe.
Find yourself, see yourself for who you really are, and be yourself.


- The Lady

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

James 1:8

LIFE NUGGET: KEEP A CIRCLE

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"No man is an island." - Unknown

The importance of a circle, be it of friends, family, etc, cannot be over-emphasised. You are a product of those around you, and what goes into you. As humans, we are naturally learners, some are fast learners, while some are slow. But we typically learn from the things and people around us.

When we are faced with things that are different from what we are used to or are comfortable with, we either run away in revolt, or go closer in curiosity. There are pros and cons of these reactions, but as humans, the choice is ours to make at these times and those choices affect us at some point in life.

I have seen good people, and by that I mean people whose characters were exemplified, change in time owing to their continued association with those of not-so-good characters. Some of these good people had it in them to change I admit. But, some were weak enough to be influenced.

The choices we make as it relates to those we let around us therefore very important. Your circle is the biggest influence in your life. Good or bad. The kind of group you get mixed with reflects in your life. That's why the choices you make as it relates to your relationship with people matters a lot.

You meet people, become friends, depend on and reinforce each other, to the benefit or detriment of each other. It is simply science, 'Symbiosis''. That mutually beneficial relationship with those friends or group can make or break you. It's left for you to decide which you want it to be.

We can be friendly and relatable with everyone, but our circle should be made up of those we know and who know us well enough. People we want to see grow and who want to see us grow. People who motivate and inspire us and people we motivate and inspire. This is a productive symbiosis.

In building your circle, quality matters more than quantity. Number is not so important. Keep your circle tight. Protect yourself and your future. Build a solid, well-rounded, and supportive squad.
Have a great day.


- The Lady

“The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:”

‭‭Numbers‬ ‭6:25‬

MOTIVATION MONDAY: SAY YES

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"The best advice I have ever received is that everyone in the world will want to tell you no, to disregard and diminish your power, so you have to tell yourself yes." - Aja Naomi King

Rejections and discouragements are some of the hardest things to deal with. Especially if you are doing your best to succeed. It hurts more if it is coming from people who are dear and important to you.

But, believe me, it hurts even more if the rejection and discouragement comes from us to ourselves. No rejection or discouragement is worse than those we inflict on ourselves because it goes to the core of our thoughts, actions, and existence.

No matter what we do, if we rely on the encouragement of others, we may have a long wait. People want to see what we can do by ourselves before they can praise or encourage us. So, if we don't praise or encourage ourselves, we may never get to the point where we can merit the praises of others.

Rejection and its pain teaches you how to reject. But we can discover the joy in that pain, build it up, and turn it to something positive. Self-rejection is a trap, a big trap. It's easier to ignore the voices of others who try to bring us down. But our own may be louder in our ears. Stopping us from making any move at all.

A 'boo' is louder than a 'cheer', especially if we choose to dwell on it. Dwelling on the 'boo's will only deepen the cut of the 'boo'. But, rather than mourn something that cut, it is best to heal the wounds and move on with life.

You really don't need other people's approval to be and do what you want. You may need them to buy from you so that you can make sales. But if you need them to say 'yes' to your choices or plans, then you have to go back to the drawing board and re-evaluate your plans. Because, all you really need is a yes from you.

Give yourself a 'yes' daily even if no one else does. Propel yourself to achieve your goals. Any praise and encouragement has to begin with you. So that when others see what you see in yourself and praise you, their praises will be a plus, not the start.
Have a great week!


- The Lady

“For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.”

Psalms 84:10

THE LADY'S DIARIES: FOR THE SATISFACTION

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"I'm not going to change the world myself, but hopefully those that I am inspiring, motivating, and educating, will educate those around them. That's how we'll make a difference." - Massy Arias

It's been quite a while I wrote in the 'diary'. There's no simple way to explain why. But, if you have, or can, ready the posts that I labelled 'DIARIES', you would see that they are all my personal, and mostly private, feelings about things that have happened to or around me that week.

This week's diary is not different. Someone had come on my blog and read some of my posts. And typical me, I expected some sort of criticism. I love to know what people think or feel about things, my blog is no exception. I can be headstrong at times, but I love to listen to those who have  a constructive view on things. I find myself seeing things through a perspective that may have been different from mine.

Anyway, this person said, "Why do you write about 'these' things? You are a girl. Why don't you write about fashion, makeup, and all those girly things?" Putting it nicely, I was disappointed to have heard something like that from a fellow young person who is growing up and ought to be curious about life.

Yes, it was what this person felt. But my disappointment came from the fact that this person expected me to do what others were doing just because I am girl. Without considering if I will be good at it, if I had a passion for those things, or if that was the direction I wanted to go.

In this post, I had asked some questions that were meant to help people focus on being persons who knew themselves well and loved themselves for whom they were. I believe that in knowing and loving yourself, you would be able to live in true happiness, and in loving what you do, you would achieve great results.

I love to see growth and progress. There's enough hate in the world already. If my generation of young people can see and love themselves for whom they are, we will be halfway to where we ought to be. I love talking about things that would bring out the best in people. So, why don't I write about it?

Writing about anything that inspires and motivates people is one way I can contribute, from where I am and using what I have, to making a difference in the world. Even if it is just one person. I would be beyond satisfied. Because that person may inspire another, who may inspire another, and it could go on.

So, if you are reading this, don't let it stop at you. Talk to people, motivate them, share this post if you will. But whatever you do, try to make a positive difference in the lives of those around you. It may be in a small way, but, that feeling of satisfaction will definitely be worth it.
Have a great week.
I love you...


- The Lady

“That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.”

John 1:9

UNBOTHERED

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"Focus on what lies ahead, and then believe in God's power to take you there." - Bishop T.D. Jakes

Took a couple of minutes after I got off bed this morning to do nothing. I just stood outside my room, looking out and appreciating what I saw. And it was all beautiful. Not in the clichèd way, just truly beautiful. The rainy season has begun, the flowers are blooming, and all the brown grasses are now green.

What's not to love about life? The grasses that were drying up and almost dead, if not dead already, now have life. Just after a few days of rainfall. The birds were chirping, and playing away. Everything was just beautiful and calm.

I thought, "That's the way I should be too, beautiful and calm." Not worried about what lies ahead of me nor stressing over things that I have no control over. I can only do the best that I can each day. And, even at my best, I can only do so much.

Life has a way of making us stress over the little things. Especially those things that we have no control over. The unnecessary pressure that results from this stress leads us to unwarranted depression, fear of the unknown, etc.

The things that we fear are weapons held against us. It's time to run to God and give him everything that the enemy is using to hurt you. Your life is a reflection of what you believe in the most. This is just a reminder to believe in yourself and your abilities.

Do your best and leave the rest. It will all work out, one way or another. You have power beyond your understanding. Believe in that power, believe in yourself.
Have a restful weekend.


- The Lady

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

HELLO APRIL!

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"Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change." - Tony Robbins

Happy new month lovelies!
Hmm...First of April. Is it just me or is this year on a fast course? It feels like we only just welcomed the new year a couple of days ago and we are already in the fourth month of 2016. At this rate, I think it's safe for me to start expecting Christmas soon. Or nah?

Anyway, as the months change and we usher in the new month, let's not forget the things that are important. Ourselves for one, our loved ones, our jobs and businesses, and lastly, our purpose and beliefs. We must continue to be strong, and continue fanning our passion for better.

Personally, it is my birth month, so I know that I would definitely be doing a lot of soul-searching.(Yes, I know that I'm boring!) It is of importance to me that I make myself proud of the person I am growing up to be. No waste of time in search of perfection, just working to be the best version of me that I can be.

I hope(and pray) that you too are able to get to that point where you are confident that you are the best version of yourself, and at peace with the person you are(if you aren't already). No need to rush the process, you will get there soon enough.

Just be true to yourself, find fun in the process, truly live each moment, enjoy life, and always believe in you.
Have a great week and a fulfilling new month.
Kisses...


- The Lady

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

MARCHING OUT OF MARCH

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"Don't worry about finding your passion. Instead, start by acting on the small things that excite you each day. These are the threads that will connect you to your path, passion, and purpose in life." - Rubén Chavez

It's the last day of the month of March and it marks the end of the first quarter of the year. Significant isn't it?

This is the day to be retrospective. To think on our actions through the past three months and assess ourselves to know if we are in line with our plans for our lives and the New Year resolutions we made on the first day of January this year.

In regards to the New Year resolutions, a lot of people have lost their way or just plain given up on realising them. While some are still pushing it, working hard to turn those resolutions into reality. Kudos to those still pushing to give life to those dreams and resolutions. Success is just around the corner.

And for those who stopped trying before the end of the first quarter of the year, I pray that you have the strength to begin again. Tough as it may be to understand, you are the biggest winners in this. How? Because the time you took away from working to make your plans a reality, if applied properly, would have taught you serious lessons about life that you can apply in the future.

The end of the month doesn't signify the end of the world or the fight. On the contrary, it signifies a fresh start, a new beginning, an opportunity to do things better, differently if necessary, but better than before. The economy is yet to get as good as it should be. And until it does, we can only keep doing what we can, legally, to survive, grow, and be a source of blessings to ourselves and those around us.

In beginning the new month, I would like us to be courageous. It is probably not going to be easy, but we can make it easier for ourselves. Take it one step at a time, day by day, do the things you are passionate about. You could find an exciting way to do those things you want to do and go on to have a great life. Don't beat yourself up when things are not going as planned. It will all work out for good.
Have a great day lovelies!


- The Lady

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11

BE FEELING YOURSELF!!!

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"You must never doubt your ability to achieve anything, become anything, overcome anything, and inspire anything." - Tasha Hoggat

Today's post comes with a lot of questions for you to ask yourself and reply to yourself. A little truth-filled 'me time' if you wish to think of it that way. "It is the middle of the week Rae, why don't we do this deep stuff some other time?", I can almost hear some say. Well, it is needful today. It is necessary. Because at the end of the day, it is what you think and feel about yourself that shines through in everything you do.

We all have plans for our lives. Big dreams and aspirations. But dreaming won't take us anywhere if we don't start somewhere. Don't go listening to people who are not going the way you are going. Up up somebody! It's your life, you are in control and responsible for it. What's stopping you from starting to live, to be, to execute those plans?

We have all had those moments when we felt like the world was caving in on us and we just want to give up. But, a lot of people have been through what you are going through and they have made it. What's to stop you except you? What you give power to has power over you. Why not give that power to yourself rather than give it to things or people that will do you wrong or won't appreciate it?

In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself may be viewed as a rebellious act. But does that mean that you must conform to the image that society paints for you and forget about your authentic self? Self-love, self-confidence, self-worth. Words that we have heard at different times. What is stopping you from practicing them?

It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see that does. When you look in the mirror, do you see someone who is beaten down by life, or someone who is working hard to make a difference? The most successful people create their own love, manufacture their own meaning, and generate their own motivation. What's stopping you from fighting for what you want to see?

Become better and you will attract better. Surround yourself with the energy you need and deserve. Surround yourself with those who dream of better, those who believe in better, those who work for better, and those who do better. Stay in your magic. Feel excited about life, and exciting things will start happening. And when that starts, don't stop feeling and loving yourself!
Have a lovely day.


- The Lady

“For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”

Galatians 5:14

LIFE NUGGET: BELIEVE

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"In order to be successful, you need to believe in yourself, your ability, and your business." - Leanna Archer

I have said it before on this blog that most of our 'limitations' are more internal than external. Most of the things that hold us back come from inside of us, from our heads(or minds whichever one you subscribe to).

Our thoughts promote those limiting factors, feeds them and make us see them as a barrier of some sort. The worst is the thought that we cannot do something. We give reasons for our inability to do that thing and keep dwelling on the reason(s) for so long that we begin to believe that we really cannot do that thing.

But, if we can take half of the time we spend believing that we cannot do a thing, and channel it towards believing that we can actually do that thing, we can make a world of difference. Not just in our lives, but in the lives of others. But it has to begin with each of us, and it has to begin from our insides.

Repeat these words with me: 'I can be the best in this World. Notwithstanding my fears and unbelief. I have a fresh start, physically and mentally. I will put in the work and time to get to where I want to be. Then, I will be the best in the World."

I hope you said those words with all the conviction you could muster? Acknowledging your fears and weaknesses will help you focus on what you can do to succeed. Strengthen your belief in yourself, your belief in your purpose, your belief in your strengths, and in humanity. Let your desire and your belief in yourself be united. And nothing will be able to hold you back.

To change your circumstances, you must change your internal beliefs, attitude, and emotions. To achieve anything requires faith and belief in your strength and in your vision. Remember, all things are possible for them that believe.
Just believe!


-The Lady

“What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:31